The Many Uses of Lindor Truffles

Use #101:  Nebulizer Bribe


Before chocolate:

After chocolate:

If You Give a "Tween" Boy Axe Body Spray....

.....  He's going to attempt to use the entire can in one day.


We have a joke in our house based off the If You Give a Mouse a Cookie books.  The kids, Shawn and I can be heard saying things like, "If you give a toddler chocolate, he's going to want the entire chocolate drawer."  A few others include:

"If you give a mommy a donut pan, the family is going to expect fresh donuts every morning."

"If you give a daddy a new computer toy, don't expect to see him for several days."

Anyway, you get the idea.


I would like to take this opportunity to thank Santa (Wait a minute....  That's ME!  Ohhhh.....) for packing Noah's stocking full of Axe body spray, deodorant, shampoo, hair gel, and body wash.  Noah smells great and the house doesn't smell too bad either.....


*cough*  *cough*

'Tis Better to Give than to Receive

A few weeks ago, Avery took a liking to baby doll in the toy store.  He put that baby in a toy grocery cart and pushed it all over the store.  When we left the store, he gave the baby kisses, waved goodbye and told the baby he'd be back soon.  My little boy loves nothing more than to push his own grocery cart around our house with one of his many lovies in it, telling us that he's shopping with his baby.  It's really way too adorable.

Knowing that Avery would love nothing more than to open that baby doll Christmas morning, but also knowing my husband would um, well, have a slight cow if I gave our son a doll, I did what any other desperate mom would do.

I called one of my best friends.

Sharon is hippie free loving tree hugger (I say that with love!) and can get away with things like giving a doll to our son, because Shawn and I think the world of her.  There's no way Shawn would ever argue with her!  Sharon also thinks the world of my boys (God bless her), filling many of the roles left vacant by our absent families.  Besides, she would've paid money to see the look on Shawn's face when Avery opened it!

This morning, Avery got his beloved doll.  He has rocked his baby (dubbed "Moonbeam," just to make my husband grin, cringe and shake his head even more, of course!), fed his baby, snuggled with his baby, played This Little Piggy with his baby, given up one of his blankies for his baby, and tonight at bedtime, I heard him singing to his baby in his crib.  Avery has repeatedly told us, "I'm a good daddy!" because that's what we've been telling him throughout the day.

Sharon gave Avery his doll and made his day, but she gave our family so much more than just that.  She gave my mother and grandmother smiles and laughter from the pictures and stories I texted to them all day.  She gave me a warmer heart than I've had in months, laughing through tears as my youngest son loved on his little baby.  She's teaching Shawn to relax and let go, that it's okay for little boys to pretend to be daddies.  In watching Avery play with his baby, Sharon reminded us that maybe we're not doing so bad as his parents after all.  She filled our home with love and warmth, as well as a reminder of what this day is really about:  A baby sent to save the world.

And what did Sharon get out of this?  She got the joy of being Santa to our little boy, the gift of knowing that at least for one day, all was well in our world because of one little doll.  As I texted her the first story of Avery opening his doll, exclaiming, "Oh!  Oh!  My baby!  My baby!" today, she told me that I'd made her day and she was all choked up.  All I could think was "I've made her day?!"

In this day and age of the Me Generation, it's nice to know there are still some of us who remember it is always better to give than to receive.  It's comforting to know that not just me, but my entire family, is surrounded by my friends who love all of us, and we surround them and their families, loving them right back.

Christmas Memories

These days, I really don't have many fond memories of my dad, as most of them are overshadowed by the recent years' issues.  I do have one memory however, that never fails to make me laugh out loud to this day.

MANY years ago, my nieces (who are now *gulp* 22 and 21) were part of our county's Head Start program.  They held their annual county-wide Christmas party at the local armory, which was filled wall-to-wall with screaming, excited children that day.  They were thrilled and beyond themselves:  Santa was coming and he was bringing gifts for each good little boy and good little girl (many of the families who are eligible for the Head Start program are low-income, so this program provided a few nice gifts for each child)!!!

Well, Santa showed up drunk.  Yep.  Only in our county!

The extremely formidable woman in charge (a woman I wouldn't choose to tangle with), grabbed the oldest gentleman she could find and said, "YOU!  Come with me!  You're putting on the Santa suit!"

That gentleman happened to be my father.  I can still picture him pointing to himself, laughing in his unsure-way and debating whether or not to try to argue with this woman.  Needless to say, he decided against trying to decline her offer that was more like an order given by the general, and followed her.

Now, you have to understand--to put this in perspective--my dad is more introverted than I am (if that's possible....).  He is socially awkward and emotionally distant.  Unless he has a few drinks in him himself, he is usually rather reserved.  He was USMC for nearly 20 years and had no idea how to raise children, much less how to act around them.  Being Santa would truly be a mettle-testing task! 

Somehow, Dad managed to pull it off, coming out of the back room with a jolly "HO HO HO!" to greet the children.  He managed to endure every crying, exhausted, over-excited, snot-filled child sitting on his lap while taking cues from the Formidable Woman and other teachers, handing out gifts and spreading Christmas cheer.  I'm not sure if my nieces or nephew (who was much younger) ever realized Santa was actually Grampy, but I don't think it matters now.  I will not be the one to spoil the memory for them!


And that's how my dad saved the Head Start Christmas party.

In the spirit of the season, Merry Christmas to all!  May this be a time of great blessings, miracles, love, hope and peace.  Merry Christmas and God bless!

Happy Birthday to Shawn, I Mean, ME!

My husband has always had the ability to make me laugh.

Today is my 35th birthday.  As I've said before, I love being in the kitchen.  And, as I've also said before, Shawn (and the boys) love it when I've spent some time in the kitchen!  The way to my heart truly is with kitchen appliances.  And the way to Shawn's heart is with food created with those kitchen appliances!

So this year, Shawn has gifted me with a donut pan and cookbook.  Or has his gifted himself with fresh, homemade donuts?!


Guess I better get in the kitchen and get to work!

Back to Square One

Shawn has recently decided to move Noah back to public school in January.  He has begun the process of withdrawing Noah from LUOA and reenrolling him into the public school we are zoned for.  Yes, the one I have fought so hard to keep him out of.  While Shawn is the one taking charge in this situation, we did make the decision together, as a couple.  I can't say I'm thrilled about the move, but I know that things cannot continue the way they have.  This is not a decision we have made lightly or quickly.  It's been a topic of conversation (and contention) in our home for several weeks.  Shawn is the one who has finally said enough is enough.

Our house--I hesitate to call it a home anymore--has become the center of turmoil, constant arguing and tension.  It has turned into a battle zone.  We all feel as though we are walking on tight-ropes thousands of feet above burning coals.  I hesitate to call those of us who live in this house a family anymore.  We are struggling, overwhelmed and exhausted.  Our relationships with each other are strained, to say the least.  Our family is falling apart and my marriage is a wreck.  I am frustrated beyond the point of frustration, and I am out of control.

I took Avery for his well check last week and while we were there, our pediatrician asked how Noah is doing.  I burst into tears and unloaded on the poor woman.  In her usual no-nonsense but compassionate manner, she told me that as parents--as moms--we can't concentrate all of our efforts, our resources and time on one child.  That is what I've been doing, to the point in which all of us suffer.  It's not healthy for any of us.

I have made efforts to keep Noah out of this public school since his kindergarten year.  I have tried to protect him at every turn, trying to foresee things before they happen.  I can't do it anymore.  We are back at square one: returning him to this school because I have only succeeded in making things worse, not better, and exhausting myself.  There is nothing left of me. Even though I know this is the best scenario in what feels like an impossible situation, I feel as though we are feeding him to the wolves.  We are tossing him into the middle of the school year without benefit of preparing the teacher, without an IEP or anything else to help him, support him or protect him.

I feel tremendous guilt over our decision.  Instead of telling myself that I've done the best I can, I see this as a major maternal failure--yet another one in the long list of them.  I am unable to look at this as a learning experience.  I have not only failed at homeschooling, I have failed my son.  I couldn't do what I felt is best for him.  I know I took on too much, especially this year.  I know I needed more of a break and more support.  I know I did it all wrong.  In the beginning, I was proud of my efforts.  I felt I was doing the right thing for Noah. Now I don't think I did the right thing for any of us. I feel selfish for wanting to be able to do things without Noah, instead of continuing to concentrate all my efforts on teaching him, both academically and socially.  Motherhood is about sacrifice, right?

Shawn and I can only help Noah so much.  He has to be ready--and willing--to meet us in the lessons we are trying to teach him.  We are desperate for that lightbulb moment when Noah says, "Oohhh.  Now I get it."  Instead, Noah has manipulated us and taken advantage of the homeschooling situation.  His behavior has regressed and he has stopped taking his schoolwork seriously.  Noah doesn't take me seriously as his mom or as his teacher.  Having him home all the time is suffocating me.

I know that returning Noah to public school will not solve our problems.  I know that, most likely, it will only create new, different problems.  I rationalize his return by saying I will get a break from him during the day and therefore be better able to deal with him in the afternoon and evening.  We all need time to regroup, decompress and heal.  There are things Shawn and I need to deal with, things we have avoided and need to grieve.  We need to repair our marriage and our family.  We all need to take a deep breath and learn to relax.

My friends tell me I'm doing the right thing.  They have watched me fall apart over the past several months.  They have watched our family begin to fall apart.  They have done everything they can to support us and help us limp along.  They agree with Shawn:  Enough is enough.  They tell me I've done the best I can.

If I'm doing the right thing and I've done the best I can, why does it feel as though I'm giving up on my son?

Kids Don't Come With Instructions

These days, everything comes with some sort of how-to manual or instructions.  From shampoo and mouthwash to cars and kitchen appliances, we are told exactly how to use the product.  Me, I appreciate those clear, concise directions.  I research things to death and when I finally make my purchase, I usually peruse the instruction manual.  Unless it's shampoo or mouthwash.

Well, if you're a parent, you already know what I learned almost 11 years ago:  Children don't come with instructions.  Trust me, when Noah arrived on the scene, I looked high and low for that darn booklet, but it was nowhere to be found.  Sure, plenty of self-appointed experts have written books concentrating on how to raise a great kid in three days, but there are no hard and fast rules that apply to childrearing in general, other than the obvious safety issues, and dos and don'ts.

I've also found there aren't really any books on raising children on the autism spectrum.  There are tons of books about autism, about parents who have survived raising children with autism and other various topics concerning autism.  Again though, no hard and fast rules.  

Not only is Noah on the autism spectrum, he is smack dab in the middle of the childhood spectrum.  In other words, no two children are alike.  What works great for one kid might not work so well for the next one.   Noah has seemed to bunk the system from day one.  He fits the typical child mold, but he is "Aspy enough" that he doesn't.  He fits the typical Asperger mold (if there is such a thing), but he's "neurotypical enough" that he doesn't.  Yes, I know that's confusing.  I suppose what I'm saying is there really aren't any how-to books for Noah.   I devoured various pregnancy books while I was pregnant, and over the years since then, I've continued to read just about anything I can get my hands on that will not only explain my son to me, but tell me what to do with him and how to raise him.  I have yet to find any such book.

Shawn and I were not prepared for life with Noah, and truth be told, we weren't even sure we really wanted to be parents yet when we found out we were pregnant.  It's been a long, hard road and we've made mistake after mistake.  I know some parents jokingly refer to their first child as the practice child, or the experimental child.  That's kind of what life with Noah is like:  One gigantic experiment after another.  I pray for the day we finally get something right.

I like to be in control, which I suppose is one reason I like instruction manuals.  Knowledge is power, right?  I'm not a power-trip type, but I do like to know what is going on.  As Noah's mom, I feel anything but in control.  I don't like unknowns, I don't like feeling out of control and I have a plan for everything.  I will tell you right now (again, if you're a parent, you already know this):  Nothing in childrearing goes according to plan.  In our house, about the only things we can really plan on are public meltdowns, daily arguments and tantrums.  And that's just me.   

None of this was part of my life plan when I started out.   When I started out working with children on the spectrum, it never really occurred to me that I was being prepared to have one of my own. There are days I thoroughly resist it (I think the "it" there would be God's plan....), but I am desperate to learn how to handle it, to not just survive it, but to succeed with it.  I am desperate for all of us to come through this whole and intact, maybe writing a "we survived it and lived to tell about it" book ourselves.

I want Noah to come through this knowing that I have always done everything in my power to help him.   I want him to come through this knowing he is loved and respected.  I want him to come through this and be successful.

Then there are the days, like today, that I pray we just come through this, period.

Pastor Dick

The senior pastor at our church is in the process of retiring.  When I first learned of it, the news came as a shock to me, although looking back over the past several months, it really shouldn't have been much of a surprise.  Pastor Dick's retirement is one more thing I'm struggling with (is there anything I'm not struggling with lately, really???).  I am happy that he and his wife are able to move on and will have so many opportunities to make memories with their grandchildren, and I will do what I can to keep communication with this wonderful man open.  And even though I will hold the memories dear, I still can't help but feel a touch of sadness that this time with this gentle man is over.

We came to this church a little over two years ago.  Noah and I had been attending a different church on our own and things were changing there.  Shawn had never felt comfortable there either, and only came on the rare occasions I begged him to.  A few things that happened before and after Avery's birth made me realize God had been telling me it was time to seek out a new church for our entire family to call home.

CCF was the first--and last--church we visited.  We immediately felt welcome, comfortable and, most importantly, loved and accepted.  This was the first church where Noah has been openly accepted as he is.  No one questions his quirky behaviors or suggests to me that I need to increase his medication.  No one has ever asked me what is wrong with my child.  It took us a while to be comfortable leaving Avery in the nursery, but once we started it, he was in good hands and right at home.  Shawn and I are learning to lead our family together in a relationship with Christ.  We are learning to praise and worship as a couple, to pray as a couple and learn as a couple.  Yes, we are learning to learn!

I do believe one of the strongest influences in this new church has been our senior pastor.  Pastor Dick is a gentle soul, with a fatherly/grandfatherly way about him.  That is what our family has so desperately yearned for and needed.  Neither Shawn nor I have paternal influences in our lives, so our children do not have grandfathers. I wish I could put into words just how much Pastor Dick's personality and bearing have meant to me and my family over the past two years.  He doesn't need to say that he has looked upon his flock as his children; his actions have said it all.  This man has welcomed me each week with a hug, always telling me how special we are to him, always asking how we're doing.  He has kept us with what is going on in our family, always available for prayer and a kind word (or more).  He has baptized Noah and dedicated Avery.  He's been there for us, whether out in front or in the background.  I know he has done this for each family in his flock, but the way he does it allows us to know that we are individually special to him.

I wish I knew how to tell this man how much he means to us.  Honestly, I don't quite know how to put it into words.  He has been there for us and, unwittingly and unknowingly I'm sure, filled a void in our lives.  We will saw goodbye to him tomorrow night at a special dinner in his honor, but I don't know if he will ever be able to understand what he's done for us.

God saw the need our family had for a paternal figure in our lives.  He filled that empty space with Pastor Dick.  Now, I believe, as Pastor Dick moves on to another stage in his life, God is telling us it is time to move on with our own.  I don't know what is next or what that means, but I do know He is desperate to teach me to be more dependent on Him, to see Him as the true Father in my life.  As always, God's hand is in "it" and will always keep us safe.

HoliDAZED

At church the other day, someone remarked it's the season of crazy; I agreed, replying, "Crazy with a capital C!"  The next several days are going to be maniacal for me (okay, more than usual, we'll put it that way), so I'm taking a few minutes to sit down and (attempt to) gather my thoughts!  My friends are taking bets on how long I can continue at this speed before I crash and burn.  They aren't being mean,  they just know me too well.  I think the current bet is midnight tonight....

I've been having some difficulty finding my Christmas spirit this year.  It's been a rough year and I just can't seem to shake what 'ails' me right now.  Grief and depression can be especially overwhelming for so many of us during this season.  Normally, this is truly my favorite time of the year.  I enjoy decorating my house, baking all kinds of seasonal goodies and I can't get enough of all the Christmas songs.  I get excited about shopping for my kids, wondering about their reactions on Christmas morning.  I love Santa to the point that if I didn't have to be Santa to my own kids, I'd probably still believe in him! I love what this season means to us as Believers.  As a mom, I get particularly weepy, thinking about what Mary went through.  Unfortunately, it's been difficult for me to focus on any of that this year.  We decorated, but I almost really couldn't see the point.  I'm baking, but it's wearing me thin.  And I swear if I hear one more Christmas song, I'll scream.  I'm taking care of everything on my to-do list, but there's no joy in any of it.  It's just more stuff I have to do, added to everything I already have to get done.

This is where my two best friends come in.  They got me thinking about Christmases past.  And yes, they had me laughing so hard my tears were from laughter instead of sadness.  We started talking about some of the trees we've had; like the fake Charlie Brown Christmas tree we had our first year of marriage, or the one with the root ball that died right in our living room, and the year we had early snow and ice, but I was determined we were going up the mountain to cut down our own tree anyway.  Then there was the year Shawn sort of stole our Christmas tree from the Boy Scout lot (in his defense, it was in the dead pile....).  After those adventures, we've switched to a nice, easy-to-assemble, pre-lit, fake tree!  Last year we had one kitten and another cat who still thought he was a kitten (or was finally learning he's a cat), so I every time I walked past the (fake) tree, there was one little orange face and one little black and white face peering out at me at eye level.  We've given up on having angels and stars on the top of our tree because something always goes wrong with them, but my favorite was the drunken angel we had one year.  Not only was she lit (haha), but she wouldn't stay straight on the tree.  I keep forgetting to buy an extension cord, so for the second year in a row, the lights in the greenery on the mantel are plugged into the cable box (welcome to Christmas in the van down by the river!).  We've misplaced Baby Jesus from one of the nativity scenes so many times I've considered superglueing him into his cradle; Avery and the cats are usually the culprits, of course.  I'm always horrified when I realize the toy the cats have been playing Hallway Hockey with is, in fact, Baby Jesus.  Of course, then we have all the cooking and baking adventures; last year I cooked part of our Christmas dinner with sterno because our microwave and one of the burners on my stove died on Christmas Eve.  My mother in law has been gone for 13 years, so last year, I got it in my head that I was going to cook some of the things she used to do for my husband.  I bought fresh sweet potatoes (turning my nose up at the canned ones), and went through recipe after recipe for creamed corn (again, turning my nose up at the canned stuff....).  Christmas Day came and I set to work; my husband didn't have the heart to tell me until the next day that his mom always bought the canned stuff.  Gotta love it.

I'm the type who strives to make the holidays perfect.  I want my house to look like Martha Stewart's, but it usually just ends up looking like Christmas threw up.  I want the meals to be award winning, but I end up exhausted.  I want the presents to be wrapped beautifully, but I've never been able to tie a decent bow.  I aim for the perfect Christmas year after year (I've learned there is no such thing, but I still aim for it anyway because I'm just hard-headed....), but it usually ends up looking like a Griswold Family Christmas.  And sometimes, we behave more like Cousin Eddie's family than we do Clark Griswold's....  I am slowly coming to realize that it's not the food or the decorations or the gifts that makes Christmas perfect; it's the people you spend it with who do, and the memories you make with those people (yes, even the outrageous ones).

"It Makes You Happy!"

Noah has a difficult time with empathy, reading facial cues and picking up on the emotions of others.  For this reason, we exaggerate a lot of things in our house in order to teach Noah.  It also helps Avery learn what emotions are, how to express them and read them in other people.

When we give our boys hugs and kisses, we smile broadly and exclaim, "Oh!  That makes Mommy SO HAPPY!"  When the boys are naughty or have disappointed us, we look as sad as we can, and tell them how sad their behavior has made us.  You get the idea.


This morning, Avery crawled up into my lap, hugged me, planted a big slobbery kiss on my cheek, then clapped his hands excitedly and shouted, "It makes you happy, Mommy!"


Yes, dear Avery, it does make Mommy happy.  And maybe, just maybe, I'm getting through to them at after all.

Diamonds

We're all diamonds in the rough, right?  Some of us are just waiting to shine, some of us are a little dull and in need of some buffing, from having been 'around' one too many times.  Some of us are a little rougher than others.  Others shine brightly, and seem to shine on others.

I'm not sure where I'm going with that.  I may have gotten off track a little bit.


Rob Thomas from Matchbox Twenty has the ability to make one of my best friends and I go weak in the knees.  So much of his music seems to speak to us.  One song in particular, Her Diamonds, seems to be our song.  He wrote it as a tribute to his wife, who suffers from a painful autoimmune disorder.  If Sharon or I hear it on the radio, we text the station to the other one so we can both hear it.  If we're listening to it from our own music library, we start texting the lyrics back and forth.

We "get" how the other one feels.  There are days we really don't think we can take anymore, days when we reach our breaking points.  We both are in quite a bit of physical (and emotional) pain, and this song is one way we connect, so we can let each other know that we are understood and loved.  We both strive to shine brightly--we want to shine brightly, but there are days we are dull and in need of buffing from all of our use and our pain.  There are days we just want to curl up in bed and be left alone, but even laying in bed hurts.  This is the world of physical and emotional pain.  Playing this song back and forth is how we shine on each other.

I thought I would include the link to the video, as well as include the lyrics.

"Her Diamonds"

Oh what the hell she said
I just can't win for losing
And she lays back down
Man there's so many times
I don't know what I'm doing
Like I don't know now

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Says it's funny how the night
Can make you blind
I can just imagine
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
But if she feels bad then I do too
So I let her be

And she says oh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can't help her now
She's down in it
She tried her best but now she can't win it
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She sits down and stares into the distance
And it takes all night
And I know I could break her concentration
But it don't feel right

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Sits down on the bed and starts to cry
And there's something less about her
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
So I sit down and I cry too
And don't let her see

And she says oh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can't help her now
She's down in it
She tried her best but now she can't win it
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She shuts out the night
Tries to close her eyes
If she can find daylight
She'll be alright
She'll be alright
Just not tonight

And she says oh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can't help her now
She's down in it
She tried her best but now she can't win it
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNCgfrjKcqs&ob=av2e

Out of the Box

I recently signed up with the Greetings Ministry at church.  I'm not sure what I was thinking because I really am not a people person.  I prefer to blend in with the crowd, stand in the back and not do anything that calls attention to myself.  I have difficulties with formalities and social niceties.  Some things just don't come naturally to me, so I tend to feel out of place quite easily.  I prefer behind-the-scenes work, rather than up front and personal.  My decision has been weighing on me heavily and truthfully, I wasn't looking forward to my turn.  I was seriously having some trouble with this out-of-the-box decision I'd made.

While we were getting ready for church this morning, I mentioned to Shawn that after seeing how this morning went as a greeter, I was thinking of suggesting the idea to Noah.  I could see it as a great opportunity for him to practice his social skills (I'm practicing mine, after all!) and to get out there where he'd have to deal with real people.  I saw it as an opportunity for him to mature, grow and be more responsible, as well.  Shawn agreed it sounded like a good idea (maybe I'll sign him up for it next!).

When we arrived at church, Noah asked if I had to sign up for the Greeting Ministry or if it was something I was told I had to do.  I explained the process and how I volunteered.  He sounded interested and asked a few more questions, which I answered.  Then I heard, "Mom?  Can I do it with you this morning?"

YES!!!!!!!  If this particular ministry is out of my box, it is HUGELY out of Noah's box.  I was proud of him for just asking if he could help!  This was a major step for Noah.  We had a quick talk about being mature, then practiced a few different ways he could greet people as they arrived, stressing eye contact and smiling.  I told him that some people like to shake hands or hug, so he might have to do that, too.  We've talked before about having a servant's heart (when we work at the center), so I stressed that point again, also.

I have to say, Noah made me proud today.  He served with me, greeting like a pro!  He remembered everything we'd talked about and did his very best.  Noah stuck it out all the way through to the end, but also letting me know when he'd had enough.  He was social, and as mature, calm and focused as a ten year old Aspy can be!  I'm super proud of him today!  Noah and I had fun together, and in the end, I'm glad I signed up to greet.

By the way....  Greeting didn't kill either one of us!

A Dog and Her Boy

Noah and his dog, Gretta, are attached at the hip.  They've been together since they were both 3 years old and are inseparable.  Noah loves her with all of his heart and is very sensitive about her aging process.  I'm pretty sure that Gretta returns his love with all of her heart.  It breaks my heart to know she is not aging well and in so much pain from her hips.  Shawn and I have discussed a variety of ways to help Noah through her death, including getting another dog while we still have Gretta, but nothing seems like the right thing to do.  It would just be so much easier if we could ensure she'd live pain-free forever.....

I recently had a very heart-breaking conversation with Noah.  I told him that Gretta needs a new bed for Christmas and suggested we go look at orthopedic dog beds.  He got a very solemn look on his face, then told me he's very afraid for Gretta's health.  He's very worried that she won't make it much longer.  Against my hopes, Noah has noticed that she is falling more, having more difficulty walking and seems to be in more pain than usual.  Gretta is also developing cataracts and losing her hearing. Then he told me that he's afraid a new bed will be wasted on a dog who might die soon.  My poor kid.

I took Noah aside, and looking in his eyes as best I can with him, I told him that whether Gretta is able to give us 5 more days or 5 more years, she deserves the best we can give her in the meantime.  She deserves to be as comfortable as we can make her and to be well loved.

Noah seemed to accept this answer.  And I'm learning to be a behind-the-scenes mom.   I have a call into Noah's counselor so I can talk to him about this whole conversation.  I'm going to suggest we bring Gretta with us to next week's session, so he can work Noah's worries into their conversation.  I'm hoping they can work on some good coping skills for Noah.  Shawn will be going with us, so he will be there to get Gretta in and out of the car, and up the stairs to the offices, if necessary.

We are also blessed--once again--but the ministry I work with.  Our "second-in-command" has a true heart for animals and their owners.  When the need arises, she is there to facilitate a pet-loss support group.  I know she is praying for Noah and Gretta, and will be there for Noah when the inevitable happens.

Wish us luck and keep us in your prayers!

One of those Days

I will admit, I need to whine for a minute here.

Crazy is as Crazy does!

The past few weeks have been difficult for me because my pain levels have been through the roof.  I've had to force myself out to do activities with the children and to get to where we absolutely have to be.  I slept most of this past Sunday, in the hopes my pain would ebb and of recouping my energy levels.  Unfortunately, that didn't happen.  I woke up this morning with a migraine and such pain that I almost wasn't able to get out of bed when Shawn left for work.  Needless to say, Avery and Noah have fully taken advantage of this slower-than-usual Mommy of theirs.  Our house is more of a madhouse than usual, which to me always seems like a difficult feat, considering how crazy "usual" is for us!


Now, the real reason I'm writing today.

Several days ago, I received an email from the chaplain I work with.  Someone has offered his services to our center, giving of his time to videotape testimonies from those of us helped by our growing ministry.  Our fearless leader included me in the email asking for testimonies and help.

As I've written before, I love this ministry of ours, and I believe in the work we are able to do with all of my heart and soul.  I am proud of it and the work God does there.  I owe a lot to the people who volunteer there every day, the people who listened to me and welcomed me with open, non-judgemental arms the first day I walked through the door.  I know I would not be alive if it weren't for this ministry.  Shawn and I wouldn't still be married and I would've lost custody of Noah a long time ago.  We never would've had Avery.  None of that is an exaggeration.  I wouldn't have the support network I now cling to and I would not have purpose in my life.  Most importantly, without this ministry, I never would have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.  I would not have been re-baptized, proclaiming my faith and beliefs before the Body of Christ.  This center is deeply a part of who I am, who I have become and who I am still becoming.  None of that is an exaggeration, either!  :)

Back to our chaplain's request.  Of course I'd love to give a videotaped testimony!!!  My mentor and I exchanged a few more emails to confirm the details, then I started to worry, as I typically do when faced these sorts of situations.  Did she want me to have something prepared?  Would there be someone to guide me or ask questions?  Was there something specific she wants me to talk about--I mean, there's SO MUCH for me to say about what our ministry has done for me!  How much time would I have?  After all, I do like to talk and it's difficult for me to a give a condensed version of anything, but especially this ministry!

I sat down at my computer so I could email her with my questions.  As I opened my email, I literally laughed out loud.  There, in my inbox, was another email from my mentor.  The content just proved how close we are at this ministry and how well our fearless leader knows each and every one of us.  Her words were simple:  "Pray, and God will give you the words to speak.  No matter what you say, it will be exactly what other people need to hear.  Relax and let God."

So today, the boys (with plenty of keep-them-busy,-quiet-and-cooperative activities and food bribes), my trusty cane, my migraine and body pain, and I are headed out in this dreary rain so that I may speak into the lives of those who may be searching for the kind of support and help God helps us give to others through our ministry.  I am going to speak the words from God which I have heard while in prayer.  I will speak the truth of God and the way of the light.

"If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."  1Peter 4:11

Medication, Schmedication

I always second guess myself when I ask to change or increase Noah's meds.  It's either something I need to get over--and therefore learn to trust my gut better--or learn to live with.

Sometimes I can pinpoint why we have a bad day:  I've lost my sense of humor and it remains hidden; Noah is having more difficulty than usual with self control, inattentiveness and distractibility; Noah is stressed about something--or I'm the one who is stressed and Noah "feeds" off mine; there's a time constraint, and so on.  Any number of things that might seem little to me or you can throw off Noah's entire day.  We pick ourselves up and move on, but Noah is still learning it's okay to pick up and move on.

Just as I can pinpoint the reasons for a bad day, I can pinpoint the reasons for a good one, also: I am able to relax and maintain my sense of humor while conquering all of my maternal and wifely duties; Noah is able to concentrate, stay calm and remain focused; we might take more breaks than usual; Noah takes things in stride instead of panicking about them--and so on.

Recently, I talked with Noah's doctor about either increasing his current medication or adding another one to the current one.  I'm really not in favor of either one, but I've reached a certain point where I've realized Noah needs some sort of "chemical help" in order to function.  Noah agreed that he wasn't feeling any different or better with the dose he was on.  Shawn and I have noticed small differences, but not enough towards what we have hoped for Noah.  The poor kid is rearranging store shelves (yet his room remains a disaster...), pushing buttons obsessively on lotto machines and any other machine, bouncing/rocking on the couch rhythmically and having numerous panic attacks.  I won't even begin to bore you with his inattention, lack of self control, distractibility and impulsivity!

Anyway, his doctor said we could either increase his current medication or add something at night that would carry over into the morning.  I did some reading about this medication and talked to other parents who  have had children on it.  My gut was telling me this medicine was wrong for my son.  It would make him sleepy at night, which was good.  But the "carry over," from my reading and talks with other parents, would most likely make him dopey and zombie-like.  It wouldn't actually be working on the brain chemicals and helping him in that respect; Noah would be compliant only because he was tired.  I didn't like the sound of that at all and it really scared me.  In the end, we decided to increase his current medication to see how he does with that.  He hasn't been on the increased dose long enough for us to see a change, so we'll have to continue to watch and wait.

In my mind, I have a course of medicinal action I'd like to see Noah be able to try.  Other parents with similar children have tried some of these and had great success.  The problem is finding a doctor who understands that while I don't have "M.D." after my name, I do have "Noah's Mom" after it.  I've done my reading, I've talked with other parents and I've seen their children in action.  It's frustrating having a doctor who views me as "just a mom."  Shouldn't that count for something??!?

Some of Noah's behaviors I'm learning to accept and see as "normal."  I constantly quiz my friends about their children who are the same age as Noah.  They laugh and assure me that while we may lean toward many Aspy tendencies, most of the things I ask them about are things boys never grow out of.  *groan*  Then there are the Aspy behaviors:  the ones I need to learn and accept because they are part of who Noah is and always will be.  I'm the one who needs to change, not Noah.


Noah is continuing to do well with horseback riding.  I'm just so proud of his accomplishments!  Atop a horse, Noah is confident, calm, stable and happy:  A complete 180 degrees from how he is with anything else.  He continues to be naturally successful with riding and is proud of his own accomplishments.  Noah is more independent on his horse now, riding without side walkers or a lead walker.  He has even begun trotting on his own!  His instructor is just wonderful, allowing Noah to go into the pasture with her to "catch" his horse, brush, feed, tack up and then untack when he's finished riding.  Noah has even been walking his horse into the riding ring on his own! This program continues to be a light for our entire family.  We begin our Monday mornings with the "pippy pops" (as Avery calls them) and it seems to center our entire week.  My face often hurts from smiling so much while I watch my son ride!  Noah was recently involved in a horse show at his riding center and won third place in the two events he participated in!  I was proud of him for not having meltdowns over not winning first place and understanding some of the other children in the event might not be as capable as he is with the horses.  Noah was upset about having to ride with sidewalkers and a lead, but we explained to him that in order for it to be fair for all the children, and because of all the commotion at the event, the walkers were a safety requirement.  Noah's instructor also let him wear his Halloween costume to ride on Halloween!  When we went trick or treating later that night, Noah told me his costume didn't feel complete with Justin!

We've found an excellent counselor for Noah; he homeschools his children with his wife, he is a Christian (so he shares many of our views and morals, which is nice because he's working with our son!) and has just been such a blessing to our family.  He is supportive of many of the decisions we have made for Noah in the area of  personal responsibility, and he's working with Noah on learning how to take more responsibility for himself and his actions.  They've only met a few times, but I do see a more confident child emerging from within Noah.  This gentleman takes Noah for walks during their sessions, and I know Noah listens and functions better when he is active.   They are also working on ways for Noah to control his panic attacks, rather than allowing his panic attacks to control him.  It's wonderful.

Noah had a great week last week.  He was really on top of his school work and chores, and was just a good helper in general.  On Tuesday I treated the boys to a morning at an indoor playplace.  Normally, Noah has difficulty with these types of settings and tends to get way out of control.  I had a talk with him the night before and again on the way there.  I reminded him that he would be the biggest and oldest child there, then asked him to tell me some ways he could set the example for the smaller children.  I also asked him to tell me how another mom would feel if she saw him careening towards her toddler.  We talked about safe play behavior and a few other rules.  I was so proud of him when he was able to maintain his composure (and even stand up for his brother against some other not-so-well-behaved children!) and still have fun!  We went rollerskating on Friday and again, he did a fabulous job of holding it all together!  He spent more time on his hands and knees than he did on his feet, but I was so proud when he didn't get angry and give up.  The lights and music were a little beyond what we can usually handle, but even with those disturbances, he still did very well.  I think the fact that he did not get angry and frustrated, and then give up, says a lot about how far he's come in the past year.  He was reduced to tears when one of his friends got a little bossy with him, but he was able to perk up and come out of it on his own.  Noah also had a drama club workshop that same evening and sometimes that can be a little much for him, but he seemed to do well and have fun there, also.

There have been a few "Noah-isms" lately that have had me laughing.  My favorite one was the other day on our way into the grocery store.  Noah piped up with "Come on Mom, let's show Safeway how the Furrs do groceries!"  I told a friend about it and she said, "With harnesses, helmets and squealing tires!"

Veteran's Day

Holidays centered around saluting and thanking our military always get me teary.  When I stop to think about the sacrifices our soldiers and their families make on a daily basis to protect our country and the freedom in other countries, I'm very grateful.  I've taught my boys to say "Thank you" when we come across someone in uniform or a veteran.  Things like that are important.

I talked with Noah and Avery about the meaning behind today's holiday.  We talked about ways to pay tribute, how we could say "thank you" in our own way and what it means to be in the military, both for the individual and the family as a whole.  I want my children to have a greater understanding of what being in the military means: that it's not just shooting guns and blowing things up, as so many video games and movies depict it.

On our way home today, we drove past a gentleman in the median of the 4-lane highway.  He was on his horse, high on a hill with the sun at his back, holding the American flag.  I was truly in awe of his beautiful tribute to our veterans and our country.  I turned around so I could go back and get a picture.  I stopped to speak to the gentleman and learned he has been doing this for 17 years.  When we stopped at 4, he had already been there for 5 hours.  I got all teary when I shook his hand and thanked him.  I'm quite certain that even his horse understood his role in this somber tribute:  he stood with his head held high, as though he was proud to be serving the United States with his rider in their own way.

Beautiful.  Majestic.  Patriotic.

I Fought the Tub and I Won

I confess, this post has more to do with friendship than with a bath tub, but that's how it started.

I have a good friend who suffers a great deal with chronic pain like I do.  Also like me, she is currently undiagnosed and has even had a few medical professionals tell her there's nothing wrong with her, to the point of accusing her of lying or faking her symptoms.  I'm here to tell you straight up, that for some doctors, if they can't "see" your symptoms in blood work, x-rays, CT scans or other tests, then you must be just fine.  That can be frustrating and even maddening.

The other night I was trying to go over some of the things that sometimes ease my pain for my friend.  I suggested a hot bath with some epsom salts.  "Amy," she said, "You couldn't pay me to take a bath in my tub.  I don't think I've cleaned it since we moved in here."

I love my friend dearly and I hate that she is in so much pain.  I want to do things for her because she really doesn't have a lot of people in her life to do them, to show her how much she is loved and cared about.  She is a single mom with two great boys and she runs herself ragged.  I told her I would be over to clean her tub for her.  "DON'T YOU DARE!" My friend was screeching at me about my own pain and being embarrassed by her tub.  I reminded her that Jesus himself had washed the feet of his disciples.  If he could handle feet, surely I could handle her bath tub!  She returned with "You just keep doing the fishes and the loaves thing, I'll figure out how to wash my tub!"  (She wasn't being rude; she loves benefitting from my "fishes and loaves thing" as much as her boys do.)  I told her to go be stubborn over there, left it at that and changed the subject.

When I got off the phone, I told Shawn about the conversation and laughed conspiratorially.  My friend forgot I have a key to her apartment! She'd given it to me in case of emergencies:  this was an emergency, right?!  MWAHAHAHA!  My friend works hard and I wanted to do this for her.  She deserved to have someone clean her tub.

The other day while she was at work, I let myself into her home, carrying my cleaning supplies.  Now, please know that it will never be said I am Martha Stewart in my own home.  Seriously, I can't remember the last time I cleaned our own tub.  Martha does not live here--I do, along with 3 cats, a dog and 3 boys--but now, thanks to some scrubbing bubbles and clorox, Martha does reside in my friend's bath tub.  The grateful and amazed tears my friend responded with made my aching back worth every bit of it.  My friend couldn't remember the last time someone had done something like for her.  I still think it made my day more than hers.  Our matching silly grins and laughing tears were great.

I'm not telling you this to make myself feel good or for a pat on the back.  I'm telling you this because someday soon you will be given the chance to clean a tub, make a meal, vacuum a floor or provide a ride for a friend.  You will be given the chance to just share a cup of coffee or extend a hug.  Sometimes all it takes to make someone smile is showing up on their doorstep with your bucket of cleaning supplies and a smile.  It's not always about the act itself, but the love you put into doing it.  As 1 Corinthians 16:14 teaches us, "Let all you do be done in love."

Happy National Housewife Day

Housewife:
1 a married woman whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework.

While listening to the radio this morning, I learned today is National Housewife Day.  Really?

I had to laugh to myself.  Then I texted Shawn and two of my best friends to share the news.  One friend asked how one would celebrate such a holiday.  I suggested that surely a spa day must be in order!  My other friend cheered for me.  And Shawn?  Well, I was hoping for wine, circus peanuts and flowers, but.....  no such luck.

So, how did I end up celebrating today?  It wasn't at the spa!  I got Noah started with school, dropped Avery at daycare, went to work at the center, picked Avery up from daycare, did more school with Noah, got some laundry going, picked up the house, cleaned the litter box....  Yep, just another day in the life of a boring, busy housewife.  Just another day in paradise!

The Furr Family Guide to Childrearing

1.  Encourage roughhousing.  It gives children a sense of survival of the fittest.

2.  Allow plenty of downtime, such as watching endless episodes of Phineas and Ferb.

3.  Encourage imaginary play.  Strollers can be spaceships and refrigerators can be robots!

4.  Make sure they keep up with their chores, like walking the cat.  Chores teach children responsibility!

5.  Never allow children to bring stray pets home, no matter how cute they are.

6.  Exercise is key.  It keeps children fit and tires them out....  Eventually.....

7.  Feed them well.

8.  Allow your children to drive every now and then.  It gives you a nice break and gives your children a sense of independence.

9.  Make sure you show your children how much you appreciate them.  They need a deep sense of love and well-being.

10.  It never hurts to allow your children to try new things from an early age.  Here, you see a small child enjoying his first cup of coffee.

11.  It is important to teach your children good hygiene. This is the best and easiest way to bathe a child.  It saves time and honestly, it saves effort also.  If you toss them into the washer fully clothed, you can take care of laundry and bath-time at the same time. I recommend air-drying rather than machine-drying.

12.  Make sure your child receives plenty of comfort and rest.

13.  Encourage good study habits through the use of study partners.

14.  Make sure your children know how to keep the cat comfortable. 

15. Allow small treats and reward good behavior.  This type of thing should be done before you begin your grocery shopping, so it keeps them occupied, happy and quiet.  To reward good behavior after the fact defeats the purpose of bribery.

16.  If your children insist on acting like goobers, it is your duty as their parent to document such behavior.  You can set aside said documentation to use for other purposes at a later date.

17.  Encourage outdoor play.  This is vital to their growth and well-being.

18.  Remember that young boys need plenty of man-time with their dads.

19.  Ensure that your children know the proper way to carry a cat.  Dragging him by his harness is usually not recommended.

20.  Some children are useful as pack mules.  Others come with their own handy carrying case, for hands-free accessibility.

 

21.  If you are tired and cranky, chances are good your child is also.  Get plenty of sleep, parenting isn't for sissies!

22.  Make sure your child is stored and packed away properly when not in use.

23.  Encourage love and bonding between siblings.

24.  It is a proven fact that music education helps expand brain development.  Make sure your children have plenty of exposure to music from early on.

25.  Encourage creativity and individuality.  This helps children develop a healthy sense of self.  Remember, every child is unique in his/her own way!