Putting Noah to Paper

I think one of the hardest things about this entire diagnostic process has been having to put Noah on paper.  On some levels, it's even been more difficult than the diagnosis itself and the "what's next?" part. 

  I say that for two reasons.  The first one is because in many ways, Noah can be kind of an enigma (at least to me!) and is just difficult to put into words sometimes.  And they give you teeny-tiny little spaces to write on these forms.  How could they possibly get a full view of my child from the three sentences I can fit in those spaces?   How can I possibly help someone "see" Noah for who he is when they've never met him before?  How can I give them an accurate picture of what's going on in our family?  I know the idea behind all these tests and evaluations is for the specialists to make up their own minds; our paperwork is only there to guide them, but I want them to KNOW who he really is (yes, I want to do their jobs for them!).  I don't want him to be just words on paper, or numbers on a score chart. (If you are a parent going through this for the first time, I would suggest sending a picture of your child in with your paperwork, if you are sending it in before your appointment.

The second reason is the most heartbreaking as his mom.  It just plain hurts.  Many of these questions are about Noah's faults--how am I supposed to do what amounts to talking badly about my own child?  Even if I'm able to do it constructively?  I've been filling out various forms of one variety or another for the last 6 months, enough to fill a room (ouch, my hand hurts!), and the questions are all the same:  At what time did you first notice your child's problem(s)?  What are your child's problems?  Describe your child's problems.  PROBLEMS.  PROBLEMS.  PROBLEMS.  They all want to know about my child's PROBLEMS.  To the point where I want to stand up and scream, "YOU KNOW PEOPLE, THERE ARE SOME REALLY GREAT THINGS ABOUT MY KID, TOO!"  Last night Noah had his cognitive (IQ) testing and I really dragged my feet on answering the questions about Noah's social interactions, friendships, gross and fine motor skills and relational abilities.  Those are things that just really hurt to talk about.  But wow, give me a question about his intellectual abilities and I can write a novel (well, I can normally write a novel anyway--but you get what I mean!)!!!  Finally, a question I enjoy answering, one that doesn't make me feel as though I'm verbally beating my child.  Other questions I enjoy answering:  What do you like about your child?  What is fun about your child?  Describe the good qualities about your child.  I can answer those questions!

Soooo...  What DO I like about my child?  Well, he makes me laugh, even when he's busy trying my patience.  While filling out yesterday's paperwork, I realized many of the things I love about him are actually a lot of his Asperger's quirks.  I love how he gives me a different outlook on life and different perspectives on things we both deal with.  I love his sensitivity for animals and his love for his elderly dog.  I love how he loves God and Jesus and his faithfulness to them.  I like that he reminds me how blessed we are.  I like that I need to keep learning in order to keep up with him, and not just parental learning or everyday learning, but real book learning (although I don't think I will ever be able to do geometry or algebra!).  I love his sweet smile and the way he giggles when he knows he's in "trouble" and is doing his best to look innocent.  Most of all, I love NOAH the way he is.

(Hmm, I wonder if I can get away with submitting this next time I have to fill out paperwork?!)
PS:  I told Shawn yesterday that next time I have to sign something for Noah as his parent, on the line where I have to write who I am to him, instead of "mother," I'm going to write "his mommy."  I think that will show them more who they are dealing with!