Who Said Parenting is Easy?

It was with great heartache this morning that I sent my child back to a school that quite obviously does not want him.  He does not fit their norm and they don't know what to do with him.  They have literally set him aside (inside the classroom and out), apart from the rest of the students.  He sits in the back where they can do their very best to pretend he isn't there (although, as loud as he is, I don't know how that is possible!).  The other students don't want to play with him or sit with him during lunch.  So, we're leaving him in school to socialize him but no one will have anything to do with him?  My husband worries how 'yanking' him from school will affect him years from now.  I worry how leaving him in a school where even the teachers ostracize him affects his self esteem and other aspects of his personality now (and later in life).   We asked him how he feels about the school and he told us, "It's not that bad.  It's better than (the public school he went to).  I'll be okay."  That made it hurt even more; my 'drama queen,' who makes mountains out of molehills, was downplaying things to make it easier on me.  Hearing that a teenager in our church killed himself last week hit me hard and my heart hurts so much for his mom.  No parent should ever have to bury her child under any circumstances.  The thing is, when I think about Noah's future, that is something I worry about.  He has been bullied since kindergarten and he thinks that's just how things are.   Shawn and I try to teach him differently, but until people start treating him better, he won't know better.  He has always known he was different, but could never put his finger on why or how.  The things I've heard him say about himself scare me.  I can't walk through Noah's wilderness for him, but as his mom, shouldn't I be doing what I can to ease his burden and make it easier to navigate?

So this is where it begins again.  I need to find a professional advocate for Noah.  I need to word a constructive response to the head of school's email referring to my son as a "negative impact on the learning environment."  Then I need to send that to the teachers, the head of school and the board.  I need to outline a working program for Noah and ensure the teachers put it into place.  That much is the 'easy' part.  The difficult part will be getting them to teach and pay attention to a child they don't like and don't want.  And we have to make sure they do this even after we tell them he's not returning next year.  Just 4 more months until the last day of school....