Teaching Noah the Value of Self-Empowerment

Last week my Mommy Panties got twisted into a big old bunch.  It's taken me a while to un-bunch them.  I'm actually still kind of working on it!

Noah went to day camp last week and at parent pick-up one afternoon, I was approached by one of the staff members, whom I've known for a while.  This person and I talked for a few minutes, joked around and then this person said to me, "You know, Noah has a real listening problem."  Screeeeech.  Everything came to a sliding halt and my vision turned red.  I had to count to ten more than once and take more than a few deep breaths (probably enough to make this person question whether or not I also have a listening problem) before I was able to respond.  First I asked if it was a safety concern.  No, not really; well, maybe a little.  Okay, then.  Then I took a few more deep breaths before informing this person that my son does not in fact have a listening problem.  What he does have is an auditory processing difficulty due to Asperger's Syndrome and because of that, you cannot treat or discipline Noah the same way you do the other children.  Without pausing to take a breath (lest I lose this person's attention due to this person's listening problem), I then went on to explain some ways that they could help Noah at this camp.  For example, you cannot yell at Noah from across the field and expect him to pay attention to you or process what you are telling him.  You have make an issue out of eye contact with Noah and have him repeat back exactly what you just told him, then give an example.  And even after that, chances are still good he's going to go right back to doing what you told him not to do.  It's a repetitive process that requires patience on everyone's part.  This person had turned glassy-eyed at this point and "hrrmph'd" off.

That night, I questioned Noah about his day, eventually getting around to the real question--had anyone that day told him he had a listening problem?  He said no, but admitted there were a few times he had difficulties processing what was going on.  Let me just say, I'm proud of Noah for being able to say that.  I talked to him a little more (without giving details) and told him that it is up to him to own Asperger's instead of allowing Asperger's to own him and run his life.  We talked about what that means: That he is control of his life with God's help not matter what is thrown his way and it's up to him to make the best of it.  I explained that it is perfectly acceptable for him to respectfully say to someone, "I have Asperger's Syndrome and sometimes I don't process what is being said to me or what's going on around me very well because of it.  This is one of those times.  Could you please slow down and help me?"  Then we talked about some ways that he can tell others how they can help him.  The most important part of this conversation was for Noah to tell me how other people can help him.  I don't have AS, I'm not living his life, so I can't tell him what to tell people.  I can give him ideas based off the parent books I've read, but that's it, the rest is up to him.  Noah did well, coming up with some very good ideas.  I also want to stress with Noah that this is an explanation, not an excuse.  I never want him to think he falls into the category of "cannot's" because of AS--better yet, it helps him fall into the category of "can do's."  I will never allow Noah to use AS as an excuse. Yes, he might have to work harder towards some things at times, but he is a smart boy and he will do well.

This is a conversation I will need to have with Noah over and over until it sticks.  He can be a mouthy little boy at times, but he's never been comfortable standing up for himself.  That is one thing I pray when I for Noah: that he will have the courage to stand up for himself and to use his words wisely when speaking to others.