Domestic Violence

While this is not my story to tell, when I need to get things out, I write.  So, here goes.

*written/posted with permission*

Eighteen years ago today, my husband lost his mother to domestic violence.  At the age of 19, less than 3 weeks before his 20th birthday, he, and his older brothers, became orphans.  They endured a nightmare that no child, adult or minor, should have to go through.

I'm here to tell you that eighteen years later, it still impacts our lives.  Domestic violence has many victims.  In this case, it's affected a second generation already.  My mother in law missed out on three weddings, and did not get to know two of her daughters in law.  I was the lucky one, having known her before her death, but she did not know we married. There are stories about our husbands and their childhoods that my sisters in law and I will never know.  There are heartaches and triumphs, milestones and moments, her sons will never get to share with her.  My mother in law has numerous grandchildren, and even step-great-grandchildren, who do not know her, who will never sit in her lap, or hear her laughter.

She was a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a sister, a daughter.  In one fell swoop, all of that was taken from her family.

Shawn and I do our best to keep her memory alive for our children.  It's been hard for him, and as his wife, it's been hard to watch him go through this process.  It's not something one automatically gets over, or even something that gets easier as time goes on.  He still misses her deeply, and on some level, I believe our children do as well.  It's only recently that he is able to speak out against domestic violence, speaking about his mother's death, and using it as a platform for good.

Some food for thought:

What is Domestic Violence?

•   Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence.

Other terms for domestic violence include intimate partner violence, battering, relationship abuse, spousal abuse, or family violence.

Domestic Violence in America: General Statistics and Facts

•   Women ages 20 to 24 are at greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.

•   More than 4 million women experience physical assault and rape by their partners.

1 in 3 female homicide victims are murdered by their current or former partner every year.

What are the Effects of Domestic Violence on Children?

•   More than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes every year.

•   Children who live in homes where there is domestic violence also suffer abuse or neglect at high rates (30% to 60%).

•   Children exposed to domestic violence at home are more likely to have health problems, including becoming sick more often, having frequent headaches or stomachaches, and being more tired and lethargic.

Children are more likely to intervene when they witness severe violence against a parent – which can place a child at great risk for injury or even death

(Taken from:  http://www.safehorizon.org/page/domestic-violence-statistics--facts-52.html)

If you, or someone you know, is suffering at the hands of another, I urge you to please seek help.  Don't let it end like this.  You deserve a happy, healthy life--please don't allow anyone else to tell you differently.  There is help available.  There is someone who needs you, who loves you, who does not want to see you go through this.  You are not alone.

National Domestic Violence Hotline:  1-800-799-7233