Prayer Doesn't Work That Way

I like to think I'm pretty convincing when I pray.  Well, I try to be.  I do a lot of encouraging, some cajoling, maybe a little bit of bribing and bargaining, and a whole lot of nagging...  Much as I do when I'm trying to convince my kids to do something they don't want to do.

Then I get impatient and start yelling.  JUST. DO. IT. ALREADY!

Yes.  Yes, I yell at God.  Sometimes a lot.  Sometimes louder than other times.  I have a feeling He's used to it at this point, along with my nagging.  Just like my kids.

But that's not how prayer works.  I can't make my will into God's will.  God has nothing to prove to me, nor does He need to prove anything to me.  As much as I want to, I cannot force God to do my bidding.

This has been a difficult lesson, especially recently.  It's difficult for me to just leave things in God's hands. It might be because I'm a control freak.  We've been praying for another family's miracle.  We've been fervent, we've been fasting.  We want this miracle.  We need this miracle.  We don't even know this family, but here we are.  It's in our hearts.  I've never felt as though I'm much of an intercessor as far as prayer goes, but I am praying for this family's little girl the same way I pray for my own children. There's a push I feel.  Her name is never far from my lips, and she is constantly in my thoughts.  I've cried over this, and I've been physically ill. Shawn and I have even admitted to each other the fear to our prayers; if God can take this family's miracle child--well, yes, that is our fear.  It could just as easily be one our boys.  I want this miracle for this family.  I want God to give them this miracle to prove the doctors wrong.  I want God to grant this miracle because He's given so many to us.  I want God to provide this miracle to build lives and belief for Him, to show His power, grace and mercy.  I want, I want, I want.

I have been praying my will though. Screaming my will. Bargaining my will.  She's just a baby girl, barely older than Ezra.  And there's God's voice, reminding me that I have to pray HIS will.  He knows best, and whatever He decides, is best for His child.  I have to take comfort in His will, and know His truth is best.  It's not about what I want, it's about what God knows. God's healing is sometimes different than human healing.  And in that, I do believe there will be healing for this little girl.