On Death and Dying, Living and Loving

Please bear with me.  I went to another funeral today and it's left me feeling a little lost, a little sad, a little philosophical.  I started this post several days ago.  Now I suppose I'll see where today takes me with it and try to finish it.

As I've written before, there have been numerous deaths since January which have either directly or indirectly affected us.  Last week, two more people died.  These deaths were the ninth and tenth to affect my family.  I did not know either of them well, but one gentleman's wife and the other woman's mother are incredibly good friends of mine.  While neither death was unexpected, both were blows to their loved ones.  When my friends hurt, I hurt.

For both of the deceased, death was a blessing of mercy.  That sounds like a horrible thing to say.  Both were suffering and in great pain; both were gone a long time ago; all that remained were shells of their former selves.

As a mom, the death of my dear friend's daughter has hit me the hardest.  She left behind an 8 year old daughter and a husband.  My friend began mourning the death of her daughter several weeks ago: anticipatory grief.  Now reality is settling in for her.  It hurts.  As she cried to me and I cried with her, she told me that she hopes I never have to sit at my child's bedside, watching my child die while begging God for mercy.  I hope I don't either.  I hope I never have to wrap my head around going from praying for my child's improved health to praying for my child's merciful death.  I can't imagine the pain my friend is going through.  This year I have watched friends lose their children suddenly and tragically, as well as friends who have lost their children to disease.  I'm not sure which is worse: not being able to say goodbye to our children and worrying that he/she suffered, or having the chance to say goodbye but having to watch our children suffer and waste away.  As for the woman who died, a mother like myself, I can't imagine what she must have gone through: knowing that her young daughter was watching everything unfold, knowing that she would soon have to leave this earth and her daughter behind.  I can't imagine the emotional pain she must have gone through.  An unkind reality is settling in for a now motherless 8 year old child as well.  It was awful today to see that little girl cry.  As a mom, I feel all of it right HERE.  My prayers are that God and good memories will get all of my friends and their families through these difficult times.

There were some nice things to come from today's funeral.  Fond memories, mixed in with healing laughter and tears.  The officiant was a kind, gentle, soft-spoken woman who was wonderfully loving and wise with her words toward my friend's granddaughter.  And my good friend who lost her husband the same day as our friend lost her daughter came to the funeral to support our friend, even though she had plenty of her own things to deal with this week. These two women have become quite close through the center, where we all met, and I think in some odd way, it will be an odd blessing that their loved ones went on the same day.  I think it will give them something to develop a deeper bond over, something to help them both heal, something to ease their pain a little bit.


As I dressed for the viewing of my friend's husband the other night, I half-jokingly told Shawn that if this pattern is going to keep up, I'll need to buy a few dedicated funeral outfits.  Unfortunately, my mind keeps wandering to the things that would drive me over the edge.  At this point, it wouldn't take much, just a slight push.

What have I learned from all of this?  Not to be cliche, but I've learned to live while I can and love my children to the fullest.  I'm trying harder to not take them for granted.  I've heard what loved ones have said about the deceased at the various memorials and funerals I've attended, and I think about what I want people to be able to say about me. I know what I'd like them to say, but would they be able to say in all honesty?

Enjoy life, be present in every single day.  Appreciate every gift from God.  Don't take your loved ones for granted, make sure they know just how much you love them and how much they mean to you.  Live to the fullest, laugh the loudest and love the most.