Even though Shawn and I have yet to meet his new teacher, I do like what I see coming home. This teacher is extraordinarily organized, which I appreciate a great deal. Noah's own organizational skills are lacking, so it's helpful when those around him are organized. Her expectations are clearly outlined, which is also very helpful for Noah. He seems to like his class, is enjoying seeing his Cub Scout friends in school, has a good friend in his class, and someone to hang out with and goof off with in the parent pick-up line. Noah's proudest achievement this week was his visit from the Desk Fairy! One morning last week, he found a piece of candy on his desk with a note that commended him for keeping his desk clean! I was very excited for Noah, as this was a first for him. We've only had one meltdown, but after confirming facts with other parents, we were able to get it under control and calm him down. His first afternoon, he came home and declared his teacher judgmental. When I asked him to give me an example, he told me that when someone was doing work, she would point out what they're doing wrong. I had to stifle a laugh over that one! I told him that's not being judgmental per se, she's teaching, which is her job!
From a parental stand point, there has been disappointingly little homework. Before you judge me, no, I don't want Noah inundated with homework. That is a selfish wish of my own, as homework is often a difficult task, more for me than Noah. However, I would like to see some kind of review work coming home in the afternoon, even if it's busy work. We're trying to settle into an after-school routine of homework and chores, then, once he's sufficiently completed those tasks, he can have 20-30 minutes of TV, the Wii, or his DS. When the weather permits, he's also been going outside to burn off that extra energy! I'd forgotten how much pent-up energy he comes home with after being at a desk for 8 hours! Yikes! Noah is falling asleep faster at night, and sleeping through the night better, so I know school is exhausting him, and that this has been a good change for him.
Noah admits to being a little bored in his classes; he was further along in his homeschool math and history/social studies than his class is, so he is having to repeat some things he's already learned. He said they don't do as many science experiments as he was doing at home, either. Noah is very much a hands-on learner, so the busier he is as he's learning, the more into the subject he is able to become. I know he belongs in GT reading/language arts, but with only 5 months of school left, I'm not sure it's an issue worth pursuing. Is that awful of me? My hope is that his teacher will soon realize it and have him moved. I am also not sure how to pursue the issue of an IEP. Noah's teacher is aware of his diagnoses and personality, and from what I've learned about her, fully equipped to be a Noah Whisperer. I've corresponded with her to let her know that I'm open to discussion, change, and anything else that might be needed for Noah. We have an appointment with a new psychiatrist at the end of the month, and I know he will want his teacher's input as well.
Avery and I are settling into a routine of our own. It sounds awful to say this, and it sounds as though I'm blaming Noah, but I'm not; our days have been quieter, calmer and more low-key with Noah back in school. I'm able to give Avery more one-on-one, focused attention. Things still kind of fall apart in the afternoon once Noah is home and the children start competing for my attention, so that's something we need to work on. There was so much craziness this past Thursday, but I was more relaxed about it than I have been in a long time. Noah was not there "helping" or melting down over everything, there wasn't the added stress of sibling rivalry. I was less tired, more relaxed and better able to roll with the punches. I've been less tired, less stressed, more relaxed and better able to just deal with things in general. I've been ready for Noah in the afternoon and better able to handle him.
Noah's little study buddy, Jethro, does seem to miss him, so they make up for lost time at bedtime! I was worried how this week would play out, as Noah's dog has been sick again. Shawn and I were afraid this was "it," and I know that stressors at home greatly affect Noah's behaviors. Fortunately, even with his worries about Gretta, he seems to have done alright. We are trying new, stronger pain meds for Gretta, which seems to be helping. I'm grateful to see some of that sparkle still left in her eyes. I'm also grateful for Jethro for moving into Noah's bed; Gretta can't get up there anymore, and Noah will need Jethro to heal when it is finally Gretta's time.
I'm still trying to work around my own guilt for having to send him back, as well as my feelings of failing my child. In many ways, I feel as though I gave up on him. I also feel horribly guilty for saying life is easier with Noah in school. That's not to say it's a breeze--Avery is Avery, and he is 2 1/2, after all--but it's been easier. Even though I've come to realize this really is the best thing for Noah, for me, for Avery and for our family as a whole, I still have a lot of mixed feelings about it. The truth is though, we needed this. I don't think we would have made it to next fall with our sanity, and our family, intact. I'm tired of not being the mom I want to be for my children. When I get a break from Noah (and in all fairness, Avery, too), I am a better mom, I am calmer, and better able to deal with what slams into me. My kids deserve a better a mom and I feel as though I'm constantly falling short of what they deserve.
I've been grateful for the encouragement and support I've received from friends who are close to the situation. They've confirmed that we've made the correct decision for Noah and our family, as difficult as it was.
And now, on with week two! Oh, and potty training, too!
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