A Gift

I was given a gift today:  A vision, if you will.  As a Believer, I do believe that God gives us visions, for lack of a better word.  When we need comfort, when we need insight and wisdom, when we need reassurance, He is there.  We just have to be open to it.  This one today has left me very teary.

Several years ago, I had a miscarriage.  I do not know if the baby was a boy or a girl, but because my child deserved a name, I have always referred to that baby as Grace.  It just seems a fitting name for a child who has only ever resided in Heaven.  Shawn and I haven't really ever talked about it.  I was very sick at the time and my body was in no shape to grow a child.  Because I wasn't very far along at the time, it's never seemed very real to Shawn.  It's not something we ever really talk about.  From time to time, he'll ask me something, or mention something, but it's not something we've dealt with as a couple.  I have always greatly felt the loss and blamed myself.  Over the years, I've heard all sorts of things, from, "Well, at least you weren't too far along and didn't have time to get attached" to "You really weren't in any shape to be a mom anyway."  It doesn't matter: That was my child.  Fortunately, I've also learned over the years that this was my loss and I have a right to mourn my child; no one has the right to take that away from me or tell me how I should (or shouldn't) feel.  It has always comforted me to know that my child is being looked after by our Father Himself.

Today in Bible study, our pastor's wife, who has had many miscarriages, was relating a story to us.  I do feel very strongly about confidentiality and privacy, and out of respect for those, her story is not mine to share.  That said, it was through her story that I was given this very comforting thought and vision today.

Last May, a very dear young woman died in a car accident.  She was like a daughter to me, her family like my own.  This young lady was always so good with children.  She loved them and she liked to work in the church nursery, always volunteered for VBS.  She would have been a good mom.

I got thinking about this today:  I bet this young woman is looking after my Grace for me.  That's the kind of thing she would do.  God is the one who brought our families together, it makes sense to me that he would bring our children together in Heaven.

I hope that doesn't sound self-centered or crazy.  At the end of the day, it's whatever it takes to get us through the day, isn't it?  God is who gets me through my day.  I do believe He is the one who gave me this gift today, letting me know that both children are doing well.