Glass Houses

I have to warn you, this post has been a long time coming.  It's been building up in me for months (132 months, to be exact!) and it kind of hit a boiling point Friday at Starbucks--of course!  Prepare to be soapboxed!

One thing I've learned as Noah's mom, a gigantic lesson I've been taught, is to not judge other moms.  Unless the mother is physically abusing her children, verbally berating them, making them chug entire bottles of Benadryl, and blowing cigarette smoke into their little faces as she chugs away at her own brown-bagged bottle of whatever while she's being arrested, DO NOT JUDGE HER.  And seriously, even if she is doing one or all of those things, it's still not our job to judge her.  We do not know her story.

We, as the bystanders, are only seeing one part of her day.  We have no idea what happened that morning before she left for the store (park, playground, restaurant....), what happened in the car on the way to their destination, what things she might personally be struggling with, what her children might be struggling with and what's going on at home.  We don't know their backgrounds.  My point is, all we know is what we are seeing, and we cannot possibly understand her life based on five minutes in a grocery store.  And please trust me when I say she's doing the best she can.

When I'm out with my children, I get a lot of, "Woman, would you please control your children?" looks.  On occasion, I've even been told such things to my face by people who have felt the need to tell me how to raise my children.  I gotta tell you, there are days when control is the last thing on my mind, and merely making sure everyone lives through the day is what tops my list.  When Noah can't control himself and ramps up, Avery feeds off that, and he ramps up.  Then I have two out-of-control animals instead of children.  I'm so happy that your toddler sits nicely in his highchair and doesn't yell things like, "SHARP KNIFE!  I WANT A SHARP KNIFE!" while out at a restaurant.  I'm relieved for you that your preteen son can sit quietly and still, on his rear end, through an entire meal without an outburst of his own.  I'm relieved for you that your preteen son does not need to run laps around the check stand at the grocery store and that he remembers to use the manners you are teaching him.  I'm relieved that your child understands personal space and inside voices.  It's great that your toddler isn't picking up any of his older brother's bad habits and Asperger behaviors.  But, that's not in our repertoire.


Please believe me when I say it has nothing to do with how my children are being raised.

Shawn is a good dad.  I'm a good mom.  Noah and Avery are good kids.  Please don't think otherwise just because they run laps around their frustrated, exhausted parents.  Our boys are well loved and smart.  We are teaching them manners and raising them in a Christian home.  They are happy and funny, and they stop at every other lap around us to give us hugs and kisses.  We are doing the very best we can.

For that matter, do not glare at me and my children, make comments to other shoppers--and to me--about how rude and badly behaved my children are.  My children are not rude and badly behaved.  One of them is two and acts accordingly, and the other one has issues that go beyond anything you can comprehend in your "perfect" world.  There are days I want to wear a sign attesting to those facts when I go out in public.

I am tired of the looks, the whispers and the outright rude comments.  Do not judge me and my children, and I will do you the same courtesy.  Do me, and other tired, frustrated moms, a favor and THINK before you speak.  Think about what else could possibly be going on, what else could be factoring in to how I am reacting (or not reacting, according to some of you) and consider offering an encouraging word instead of a disparaging look.  Or, if you can't say anything nice, I will thank you to just keep your mouth shut and look the other way.