Be Kind

I have dragged out my soapbox, dusted it off, and am now standing squarely on it.  Something touched a nerve today, so here I am, sounding off.  Again.

Why do we judge other moms?  Why do we even think their choices are any of our business?  Here's the thing:  Nothing about their lives really are our business.  Ask yourself: are their children happy, healthy, (relatively) clean, loved and cared for?  If the answer is yes, then--well, stay out of it.  As long as that mom is not committing illegal, reportable, neglectful or even questionable offenses, stay out of it.  Do not insert opinion here.

Just because she is doing the all-encampassing 'it' differently than you does not make her wrong.  Nor does it make your own choices wrong--or even right.  There are very few instances that make a person an expert in any area, and even fewer instances that beg for those experts to impart their knowledge, especially when they've not been asked.  Unfortunately, there are far too many self-imposed experts who don't see things that way.  When you impose your opinions and views on another, you are not speaking with wisdom and love, nor is the receiving person being enriched.  Instead, you are being bossy and pushy. You are distancing yourself and that person with a wall of judgement and criticism.  Your message is lost in your argument.  You are not being helpful, you are being rude and obnoxious.  Another thing to remember is that just because 'it' works for your family, does not mean 'it' will work for another.

Some moms have many children, and some only have one.  Some moms use formula, others choose to breastfeed.  Some moms homeschool, while others send their children off to private or public school.  Some co-sleep, others use cribs.  Some moms have their children early in life, while others wait.  Some like their children's ages spaced out, others prefer stair steps.  And I can't forget one of the hottest debates around: Some moms stay home, while others work outside the home.

Some of these decisions aren't always choices made out of desire, but instead, made out of circumstances.  Sometimes those decisions are forced on us, just because that's how things roll.  In the realm of personal choices, it's no one's business but our own, and our spouse's, and in cases of faith, God's.

It is not up to us to question those choices.  There are questions I do not ask, things I do not assume, and words I do not say, just because of what has been asked, assumed and said to/of me over the years.  I know how much those things hurt, and how long they echo.

God created us all differently, and for good reasons.  How boring would it be if we all behaved the same, acted the same, thought the same--and raised our children the same?  If we all had the same opinions and made the same choices?

Speak in love.  Be kind.  Choose your words wisely.  Be aware of your audience, especially when that person's children are present.  Be supportive, be encouraging.  And if you don't have something nice to say, keep it shut.