In Your Absence: Measuring Parental Success

There is a bit of parenting advice I've carried with me for years, and it's gotten me through those "What in the world am I doing" days.  It had nothing to do with potty training, sleeping through the night, getting them off on that first day of school, or getting them to eat their vegetables.

What this person told me, in a time of personal desperation with Noah, was worth its weight in gold.

That day, another parent was telling me all the wonderful things Noah was doing when she saw him  in school: How polite he was, how courteous and kind, how he always waved and said hello when he saw her in the hallway, that he was opening doors and helping others.  I remember thinking, "Are we talking about the same Noah?"  For several years, when I met with teachers, I was met with only complaints and negativity.  At home, we had similar struggles.  I always worried about how he was behaving when I wasn't there to remind him of his manners.  I shared my thoughts with this other mom, and she shared this bit of advice with me:

"The measure of success as a parent is when he's doing the things you're teaching him in your absence, even if he's not getting them when you're around."

So, give yourselves a break today, Mom and Dad.  Chances are good, if you're teaching them these things, they are remembering them when you're not around.  Home is their safe place, where they don't necessarily remember manners and they can be slobs, knowing they won't be judged, and will still be loved.

Give yourselves the room to breathe, and relax a bit.  They're getting it.