The arm chair quarterbacks. The screamers. The hecklers and trash talkers. The adults reliving their glory days through their five year olds. The parents who want to argue every play and call made by the coaches and referees. The parents who want to argue about playing time.
I can't stand the kill-or-be-killed mentality so many parents are drilling into their children on the field, the court, the track, the ice. I can't handle the blatant abuse, ridicule and disrespect badly disguised as healthy criticism and cheering. It's gotten out of hand. It's not behavior I choose to participate in, nor is it behavior I even understand. I think one of the more appalling things about this behavior is that it isn't targeted just at the other teams, coaches and referees, but also at their own children, and their children's teammates. This behavior does not build strong men and women, it tears down little boys and girls. I don't like that sports are no longer about having fun, making friends, getting some exercise and learning good sportsmanship. It's no longer just about being a kid. Rather, it's all about winning, it's all about being the best. You are nothing without a win. Parents are taking the emphasis off teamwork, and moving it to individual pressure. None of this is done in the name of encouragement. It's done in the name of being the best, with the best defined as those with the trophy and medals. He who dies with the most bragging rights, wins. Organized sports, especially at the younger ages, should be about social skills, and emotional growth and development.
This is the message we are sending our children from the stands: You are only worthy of my love when you are winning.
It disgusts me.
We are no longer teaching our children that some win and some lose, and in that process, how to lose--and win--gracefully. To be clear, I am not one of those "everyone gets a trophy" moms, either. In that mentality, we are no longer teaching our children that hard work pays off. Instead, we are teaching entitlement.
The time has come, however. I am now an organized sports mom. I come complete with the SUV covered with team stickers, in case you were wondering. I love my kids, I want them to be happy and well rounded, and well, participating in sports is part of that. My kids need this. I will be praying that my children are the light to their teammates, that they will have good, positive, encouraging coaches, for the other teammates and their parents, and most of all, that they will have fun, and, as cheesy as it sounds, that it only matters how you played, not whether you won or lost. I want my children to learn that I love them no matter what, and my pride comes from a job well done, hard work, and respect shown to their coaches, referees, teammates and the other teams--not a game won or lost. Please don't misunderstand me, I would love for my children to know the joy of winning, but I want these other things for them more.
Already, I have found myself shouting, "YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB" and clapping my heart out,
I have promised myself I will behave. I have promised my children and my husband I will conduct myself in a respectful, respectable manner towards these other parents. I have have promised I will not say what's really on my mind. If you know me well enough, you know this is not my strong suit. So, if you happen to see a woman in the stands wearing a strait jacket and duct tape over her mouth, give me a wave, and shout something encouraging to the teams.
"Be an encourager. The world has too many critics already."
Dave Willis
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