Get Over It, Mom!

Avery challenges me.  Daily.  Some days, hourly.  He challenges my patience, my lack of parenting skills, my knowledge and my energy.  He challenges me in my introversion to step outside of my comfort zones as I raise him as God created him.  He challenges me to try things I wouldn't otherwise want to do.  Avery also challenges my faith, and how I practice my faith....  "Mom.  Pastor Greg and Pastor Jon say we have to pray with the voice we sing with.  And you sing REALLY LOUD."  I know without a doubt that God gave me Avery in order to grow me and stretch me!

Recently, Avery has been challenging my fear.

Avery has been desperate to ride the school bus.  I'm not so desperate for him to ride the bus.  He still looks so small to me.  What if he forgets his stop, or isn't paying attention?  What if there's an accident? There are no seat belts, the bus driver has to diligently divide her/his attention between the road and at least 50 kids, and there are all manner of things he will learn on a school bus with older kids that I am not ready to explain to him.  Yes, I'm fearful.  Last year I was able to make the case that he was still in a car seat, and being able to shuttle him to and from school was one of the reasons I stay home.  I explained that those few minutes in the car with just him each morning and afternoon were our time, just for us, no interruptions, no one else to listen in or talk.

Have I mentioned how quick-witted Avery is?  This year he made the case that he's out of the car seat and in a booster (albeit, a high-backed bubble wrapped one), and we're never alone in the car anymore because Ezra is there, too.  Point: Avery.  This year parent pick up is a bit different, as I have to go into the school, which means taking Ezra out and standing in line in the heat, rain, snow and cold, rather than just pulling up to a curb and Avery hopping in.  Yes, it's a bit of a hassle, but it's a hassle I've chosen to deal with.  It's not the hassle Avery wants to deal with.  Yes, a bus might be a little more convenient this year.

We are three days into the school year, and I have heard no fewer than 194859383 times how much he wants to ride a bus. I've told him it is my job to protect him, that's what I get to do as his mom.  He also knows my fear, as I've told him I worry about his safety on a school bus.

"MOM!  You NEED to get over your FEAR!"  Completely exasperated with me, Avery took that chance to remind me that he is God's child first (you know those moments when you hear your own words coming out of your child's mouth and you realize they were actually listening???), God will protect him, and I shouldn't be afraid because "God says we shouldn't."  The mouths of babes.

So, here I am.  Slowly working up the courage to allow my little bird to clip the apron strings just a bit more, and working even more on the urge to not follow the bus as it pulls away with a piece of my heart on board.

I'm working on it kid, I'm working on it.