They Are My Why

Let's be honest--motherhood is hard.  We've all heard the cutesy little sayings about being paid in kisses and hugs, nothing ever comes close, and so on.  It's true though, there is absolutely no other job, or career, quite like it.  Absolutely nothing compares--good days, bad days, so-so days--there is no other job that even comes close to motherhood.  It really, really is just so worth it.

There are days I want nothing more out of life than to be a mom forever.  It's a good life, a great life, a life I begged and pleaded for, prayed for and tried to bargain with God for.  My children are my reason for existing.  They make me a better person.

Then there are the other days....  Do you think if I snuck off to a hotel for a night or two they'd notice?????

Here's the thing though--I wouldn't last two nights. I would be bored on my skull after a few hours.  I wouldn't know what to do without the quiet and chaos.  In the moments I do make an escape, I find that I can't wait to be back home with my boys.

They are my why.

Noah, Avery and Ezra deserve everything I can give them. They deserve the best of me.  They deserve to know they are safe, loved, comforted and protected.  There are plenty of children who need these things and don't ever receive them--abused and neglected children, abandoned children, unloved and unwanted children--sadly, I can't change that for them.  I can't physically affect their lives.  And let me tell you, it hurts my heart more than I could ever describe.  I can, however, physically affect the lives of my own children.

This is my promise to them:  I will come, no matter what, no matter where, whenever you need me.  If a lecture and punishment are warranted, I will wait until we are both clearheaded enough to talk about it.  I will encourage you, cheer you on, reassure you and listen to you.  I will teach you, and I will allow you to teach me.  I will pray over you and for you.  I will embarrass you, and I will love you even more when humor me.  I will hold you, rock you, comfort you--and yes, I will discipline you.  Why?  Because I love you. Because you are my gifts from God, and in turn, my gifts to the world.  Because you deserve my best.  Because I can do this for you, because I want to. Because at the end of the day, I get to be your mom, I get to do these things for you, and I love you more than you can fathom.