What a Year it's Been

Ezra turned one last Friday.  This mama is adjusting... Slowly.  I looked at him this morning, all grown up in his 24 month t-shirt, ransacking my bathroom, and wondered where my baby has gone.  Then he snuggled into my arms to rock before his nap, and with contentment, I thought, "There he is!"

It's been a wild year.  We had a baby, bought a new home and moved (with a newborn), lost three of Shawn's relatives, the older boys changed schools, I'm working more with the church, Shawn and I are both back in school--and the changes continue.  That's life, I suppose.  It's just how it goes.  You never really know if you're doing it 'right' until one chapter ends and the next one begins. Sometimes, we never know. We learn to roll with it, and we keep going.

But I'm digressing.  Hey, isn't that what I do best?

Yes, Ezra is now a, well, he's a --okay, I'll just say it.  He's a toddler. *sad face bawling emoji*  I really have to wonder where the last 12 months went.  Much like my pregnancy with him, it's just flown by.  I have all these big questions for myself--did I enjoy his infancy enough?  Have I held him enough, cherished this special time with him enough?  I don't want to miss a moment, and I want to enjoy every bit of it.  I know there are parts I already miss, and I know how much my heart aches at times, so I'm just enjoying being Mommy.  Unless God has some major shake up plans He hasn't told us about yet, I know this is the end of an era for us. It's a decision Shawn and I made together, taking in account my health, our three boys and our capabilities.  We've been blessed far beyond measure, and we know that.  We've been given more than others can only pray for. Physically, I'm there--I know Ezra is the last.  Emotionally, I'm not quite there yet.  So, I'm just soaking up every bit of this right now while I can.  There are moments I watch Ezra and I hold him, taking my mental photographs, thinking, "Please, just let this last a little while longer."  When he settles onto my chest at night before bed, that's my zen time.  My shoulders relax, my soul rests, and it's just a blessed time for both of us.

It's fun watching Ezra's little personality emerge.  We still have no clue how we discovered this, but he LOVES Taylor Swift.  We can play any other music or video around the house, and he ignores it.  The second he hears an opening riff to one of her songs though, he comes charging.  He will do anything for Taylor Swift, and her music soothes him.  We're pretty sure he's her number one fan. It's downright hilarious!
He loves to harass the kitties (Wilbur gets credit for being the most patient, Jethro just antagonizes him, and Max usually stays hidden) and he meows to them, and Lilly has a sweet relationship with her youngest boy.  She is still pretty clueless as to using gentle manners, but she does love playing with him.
He's very opinionated about many things--usually standing on his tippy toes and shrieking at us to let us know--and we're seeing some strong willed tendencies....  Sigh.
His favorites toys are his older brothers, of course.  Noah is patient with him and they spend a lot of time together.  Avery does his best, but he is only 6, and his place as baby was usurped by Ezra.  Right now Ezra is practicing his R's a lot, so he constantly sounds like a happy little pirate; he also says "Hi Dad" (okay, so it's probably babble, but it certainly sounds like it!), and I'm finally hearing some "MA!" Ezra is definitely his mommy's boy, but when Daddy comes home, make way!  He's cruising and so very ready to walk, if he just had the confidence to let go!  He did take a step on his own the other day, but rather discovering newfound freedom, he scared himself.  Most importantly, he's happy.  He's such a happy little boy and knows he is loved.  I love watching him interact with people, making them smile, babbling away, giggling and laughing.  He's so very expressive, talking with his hands as if he's pontificating at times!   I know every parent just knows their child is a gift to the world, so I'll just say it--(all three of my boys) Ezra is a gift to the world.  He is God's gift and blessing to me, and now I get to raise him to be so in the world.


I'm eternally grateful for this chance to be Ezra's mom--this chance that medical science swore I wouldn't have.  What's that I always say? Oh yeah, medical science can SUCK IT.  Ezra already has such an amazing testimony, his healed heart and life itself are testimonies to God's love, grace, mercy and faithfulness.  Ezra is a fulfillment of God's promises. I know raising him will get more difficult as he gets older, and it's easy to be grateful when things are easy, but I will always be grateful.  It's a good life.  Scratch that--it's a GREAT life.