I love my oldest son dearly, but occasionally (okay, more often than occasionally), he gets stuck on a subject (something in the Austism/Asperger world called 'perseverating.'). One of his favorite subjects is to ask me who my best friend is. I tell him this question is unanswerable. As an adult, I don't have just one best friend. I have many friends who meet many different needs for me (and I hope I do the same for them!). Some friends are church friends, some are homeschooling or playgroup friends. I have friends I talk to when I need prayer or really good advice, I have other friends for good laughs and good times. Some friends I've never met, others are really great friends I was introduced to by other friends I hardly ever see anymore. There are friends I turn to about Asperger's frustrations and toddler frustrations. Some friends just understand certain things better than others. I have all kinds of friends. I'm incredibly grateful for every single one of them and all that they bring to my life.
Unfortunately, I've never really felt as though I had that one friend who accepted me through and through, that friend I could turn to for EVERYTHING. Over the years, I've prayed and prayed for that friend. I talked with God about it. I talked with my mentor about it and then we prayed. She asked me what I would want in a friend like that. "Well, a female Shawn would be good!" My husband is my best friend, but ladies, let's be honest, there are times we don't want to be around our husbands and there are some things we just can't tell our husbands (or things they just don't/can't understand), right ?! I wanted a female friend with my husband's personality, his outlook on life, his sense of humor; someone who could keep me grounded the way he does.
A few weeks after that conversation with my mentor, I realized the joke had been on me all along. I had slowly been growing closer to a woman who is very active in Noah's life--a very Shawn-like woman--and I realized we were becoming good friends. And she was already very good friends with another woman I was also becoming very close to. When you sit back and take notice of the work God is doing in your life, it really is quite amazing! Not only did God give me one friend, He sent TWO! I had been eagerly praying for these two women (not knowing their names as I prayed)--and they'd been there all along!!! Mandy and Sharon meet me where I'm at, and I do the same for them. We give each other different perspectives without trying to change each other. They know I'm good for prayer, accept me as I am and don't judge me when a bad word slips out of my mouth. Again, I do the same for them. We can rant to each other about our bad days, feel better and move on from there. We encourage each other and love each other. We have similar senses of humor and keep each other grounded. I have trust issues from past friendships and relationships, but Mandy and Sharon are helping me through those (whether they realize it or not). They are teaching me not only how to be a friend, but how to accept friends(ships). I am learning so much from them and I value every bit of it. They love Noah as he is, which I think is the most important thing. They completely understand living in left field (or try to, anyway!)! Mandy and Sharon like my kids and get along easily with Shawn. In accepting me as I am and where I'm at, they have helped me step out of my box in many ways too, which is another BIG thing. I've told them things things about my past, present and future that I've never told anyone else. They know my secrets and they still like me. They know I'm long winded (and they read my emails and blogs anyway!) and they still like me. They really, really like me!
Much later, when I told Sharon about my prayer for a Shawn-like female friend and how she answered it, thank goodness she laughed, took it in stride, and even better, took it as a compliment!
Two weeks ago, Shawn and I were supposed to go to a weekend marriage seminar. When I signed up for it, I emailed Sharon and Mandy, "Children, Free to a Good Home," then never had to give it another thought. Instead, I was able to concentrate on my marriage. It was humbling to be able to sit back and let them handle all the child care issues for our boys. They are both single moms with five kids between the two of them, which means five different schedules. The marriage seminar was local, so they didn't have to keep my kids overnight, but because it covered two days, they decided for us it would be easier if they did. They were even going to take Noah all the way to his social skills class (a 45 minute drive). Avery had never spent a night away from me and hates the pack 'n play, but I was promised I would not receive a 3 am phone call and all would be fine. Somehow it was even decided that the dog was also going to spend the night!
The marriage seminar ended up being the same weekend we had to drive to Maine for my grandfather. Instead of watching our kids for a weekend, Sharon and Mandy watched our pets for two weeks. When I let them know we had gotten the call about Denny, they both sprang into action, humbling me once again by dividing up the care of my four-legged children and telling me how it would work out. Mandy had kitty care for two weeks and Sharon took over dog care for two weeks (which meant our dog moved in with her; not that Sharon, Gretta or Sharon's boys complained!). I was able to relax and concentrate on my family up north, not worrying about the pets or mounting kennel expenses down south, thanks to my friends. Even when Mandy texted me in a panic the night she couldn't find Jethro, I wasn't too concerned (okay, maybe a little!).
When we pulled into our driveway at 1:30 am Friday morning, road weary and exhausted, we found lights on in our house to greet us. When we woke up for breakfast, we found fresh milk and a breakfast casserole ready for the oven in our cleaned-out fridge.
I am in awe of the gifts God has given me in these two amazing women. I am deeply humbled by everything they have done for our family. They have so much going on in their own lives (their own plates are brimming over), yet they still found time and energy to do for us, even when I did not ask. They just did it because they knew I needed them to. I was heading into crisis mode, they knew everything that needed to be done and took care of it. I couldn't ask for more. Well, wait, yes I could. I could ask for this kind of friendship/fremily blessing for others.
Maybe now I can give Noah a little more of a definitive answer next time he asks who my best friends are.
Until we're old and gray!!!
Haha!
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