God is My Super Glue

I had this all nicely written out in my head, but now that I’ve actually sat down to write it, the words don’t seem to flow as well (of course!).  Writer’s block or something deeper?  Hmmmm.

Some people call God their co-pilot and have other euphemisms for Him, but I think about how He holds me together, so I prefer to think of Him as my superglue.  Every time something in my life drops me to my knees, it reminds me that I'm where I should have been all along and I'm now in the perfect position to pray.

I can’t remember a time in my life that I haven’t struggled with self-esteem/self image issues and depression (woe is me!).  I have theories, my therapists throughout the years have had theories, my friends have theories on where all my issues come from.  I won’t get into all of that because I’ll end up looking like a dog chasing her tail.  While it could be fun for you to watch, it won’t get me anywhere!  My issues evolved and grew when I got sick, evolved again when I became a parent and now, for whatever reason, seem to rearing their ugly head again.  I think each time it’s God telling me I’m not fully healed, no matter how much I like to tell myself I am.

I look back over the years at the many different versions of my broken selves and I see how each time I’ve fallen apart, God has picked up my pieces, wiped me clean and put me back together.  He knows how to soften the rough edges so they’ll fit back together just right.  He knows exactly how much ‘glue’ to affix here and there (a little dab will do!).   He knows which piece goes exactly where without any maneuvering or second-guessing.  Right now I’m in need of that superglue again.  Things are falling apart in my life.  My plate is overflowing and things are falling off.  I’ve never been one to ask for help (or know how to ask for help or accept it when offered).  I need a good cry, but I’m afraid the tears won’t stop if I start.  Some days I think I’m Super Mom and can do it all, other days I'm defeated before I even get out of bed.  Lately, I’ve wanted to request my own personal wailing wall, “Heavenly Father, hear my cries!”  And the thing is, my life really isn’t bad.  It’s quite wonderful, there’s just a lot to it.  It’s more than Noah, more than my marriage, more than my worries about neglecting Avery, more than the new medication they started me on, more than my sick grandfather, more than my daddy issues…. My heart aches for what my friends are going through, what some of my family members are going through and what members of our community are going through. There’s always going to be something else.

I won’t go into where I’d be right now if it weren’t for God trailing along beside me, picking up my pieces each time.  I look around at where I am because He has been busy doing that for me and I’m grateful I’m here instead of there.  I look at all God has gifted me with, at my husband and our boys, I see how God has renewed me with grace and strength to keep going when I haven’t wanted to, I see how He has never once given up on me, even when I've wanted to give up on Him.  All I have to say is, I’m so very glad He’s my superglue.

(I had to laugh when I noticed the middle bottle is actually Krazy Glue.  Please laugh at the irony with me!)