When Life Finally Starts to Make Sense

I had one of those "Ooooohhhhh, noooowwwww I get it," moments yesterday.


For years I watched my mother leave Maine to head home for Virginia in tears.  As a child, I never understood it.  We'd see her family again next summer, what was the big deal?  I was a little sad too: to see the summer play come to an end, mainly!  I was sad to leave my family too, of course, but I was still a little bewildered at my mother's reactions as I settled into the backseat with my pillow and books.  When I grew older, into my teens years, I was a little more understanding.  I started missing my family more, my grandparents were getting older and I was worrying more about them.


This recent visit 'home' was more emotionally charged than others.  We weren't sure my grandfather was going to make it.  The extreme joy that we were leaving with him alive was enough emotion in itself, but to get the phone call that he wasn't feeling well enough to see us the morning we were leaving was another whole ballgame.  We debated staying one more day, but the car was packed and the kids were ready to go home.  My grandmother was not in a good way, obviously, with getting the phone call about Denny, and with us heading out on a 14 hour trip.  I knew she was worried and scared.  Seeing the look on her face crushed me even more.  I sat with her on the porch trying to hold in the tears, failing every few minutes, praying just as often.  She and my mother walked us out to the car, we said our goodbyes.  My mother and I actually got along this trip and it was hard to say goodbye to her.  I cried when I hugged her.  There are so many things I need from my mom right now, difficult to do 600-some miles away (I'm sure over the years of raising me and my sister there were many things she needed from her mom too, also difficult to do 600-some miles away).  I tried to be strong when I hugged my grandmother.  Now I'm glad my grandfather didn't have to see me this way.  And I'm glad I didn't have to see him when we said goodbye.  It would have been too much for both of us.


We buckled the kids into their seats, Shawn got behind the wheel, I got into my seat, rolled down the windows so we could wave and blow kisses as we pulled out of the driveway.  I cried pretty much the rest of the way out of Maine.


Goodbye everyone, until next year, when we do it all over it again.  I miss you tons and I love you more.


Ooooohhhh, nooooowwww I get it.