Parenting Struggles

Most days I really struggle as a mom.  I have many doubts about my abilities to raise my two boys, especially Noah.  I love them both so much.  I want so much for them, only the best of everything.  I want them to be successful and happy.  Avery is plenty happy.  But I'm never sure if Noah is happy.  Personality traits aren't the only things that separate my boys, though.

I often try to place myself in Noah's shoes, wondering what is going through his mind as he sees me interact with Avery.  I worry that he thinks I favor his little brother over him, that I love Avery more, that I don't even like him.  I tell myself that I try hard to interact positively with Noah, but it can be very difficult for a variety of reasons.  The truth is, as much of a pistol as Avery can be, he is a very easy child (knock wood). He snuggles easily, responds easily to emotions, is loving, responsive and outgoing.  I love snuggling with both boys, but Noah can be very awkward and uncomfortable.  Other than showing Noah proper ways of expressing love, affection and emotions, I don't know how else to help him with these sorts of things.  I have calls into several counselors, waiting to hear back.

I also worry what it is like for Noah to have a two year old brother who obviously and easily excels at the things Noah wants to be good at, but struggles with.  Noah would give anything to be able to pick up any musical instrument and play it well.  Unfortunately, my dear son is not only tone-deaf and unable to keep a rhythm, but he also has difficulties with hand-eye coordination.  He also got frustrated when he realized he had to practice to be good at an instrument.  Avery however, has been able to keep a beat practically from the day he was born.  Noah strives to be athletic and there are many sports he wants to be good at.  Noah's poor gross motor coordination (ie, general awkwardness) and poor hand-eye coordination seem to stall him.  Again, Avery seems to be naturally athletic already.

Tonight, Avery and I were tossing a ball while Noah ran around the yard in his own little world, playing whatever games he's got going on inside his head.  Several times I tried to involve Noah, inviting him to come play with us.  He insisted that he wanted to be left alone to play by himself.  At this point, I worry this is something I have created or caused in Noah.

I want my boys to be close, to love each other as brothers, not to fight with each other because one thinks Mommy loves the other one more.  All Avery wants is for his older brother to pay attention to him, to play with him and be responsive to him.  There are times I have to worry about Avery's safety and well being because of Noah's impulsivity and lack of self control.  When they do play together, Noah tends to forget he is older and needs to be a good example.  He tends to forget he is bigger and faster, that Avery looks up to him and isn't fully capable of doing all the things Noah does.

I struggle with these things I need to teach Noah.  He is so smart and such a good kid.  I want him to know I believe in him, I want to teach him how to show appropriate emotions and affection.  I try to talk to him, but frequently things go in one ear and out the other (show me a child that doesn't happen to).  He isn't able to comprehend what he is doing or how he is behaving and how it affects others.

These are some of the things I cry out to God the most.  Help me with my son.  Help me help him.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

The Evolution of a Napping Toddler

It never fails.  I put Avery down for his afternoon nap between 2:30-3 and he wakes up screaming exactly at 4 pm.  I've tried putting him down earlier, but he always wakes up exactly an hour later, screaming as though the devil himself is in his crib.  I wish I knew why.  Sometimes I bring him out to the living room, we snuggle for a few minutes and he's ready to be awake.  Most of the time however, I bring him, his blankies, puppy and an extra pacifier out to the rocker/recliner and he goes back to sleep, nestled safely and securly in my arms.  The other day when I brought him out, I thought he was finished with his nap.  Instead of sprawling out on top of my like he usually does when he goes back to sleep, he rolled onto his tummy and began to snore.  Eventually I was able to sneak out from underneath him.  This time I got a couple pictures of him.

Grateful and Thankful

We had a little bit of excitement around here today...  

Our day began with a phone call to Poison Control for Avery.  I think they are beginning to recognize the sound of our ring...  Avery was going to be fine and we went on with our day.  Noah seemed a little more "off" than usual, more out of sorts.  He was more "tic-y," more excitable, more anxious, more impulsive.  I checked several times to be sure he really did take his meds this morning.  School was taking longer because he was in need of frequent breaks.  I really just couldn't figure out what was going on with him.  I mentioned it to a couple friends in an email and we all wondered why his behaviors were increased because he's been doing so well recently.

We finally wrapped up school after lunch and headed outside to play.  I was mesmerized by how blue the sky was today: That deep, vivid blue it seems to turn as fall begins to arrive.  The green of the leaves looked so bold against the cloudless sky.  The boys and I laid in the grass on our backs and just took in the beauty of it.  I snapped a quick picture with my phone and emailed it to my mom and friends, who were stuck inside working.  I wanted them to be able to  enjoy some of the beauty I was seeing.

Then I started to feel an extreme sense of vertigo and disorientation.  I sat up and looked at Noah and Avery, who were staring at me.  Noah had a very alarmed look on his face.  "Mom, did you feel that?"  Realizing I hadn't experienced vertigo, knowing it was an earthquake I'd felt instead, but also disbelieving at the same time, thinking the quarry up the road must be doing some heavy demolitions today.  Sometimes the windows rattle when they start up, but they've never shook the ground before.  Noah said it as I was thinking it, "Mom, that was an earthquake, wasn't it?"  My phone started buzzing with texts and I tried to call Shawn, then when I couldn't get through to him, my elderly neighbor to check on her.  I still couldn't get through, so I grabbed the kids and we went over to check on her.  Thankfully, other than being a little flustered, she was fine.  I was able to get through to my niece who lives up the street for a few quick seconds, then the phone was disconnected while she was saying, "Oh no, Mamie, I have to go!"  I couldn't reach her again, so after checking on the inside of our house and the pets, I grabbed my keys and my boys and headed over to her house.  Noah grabbed his emergency flashlight, just in case we lost power and needed the light, or got lost or stranded and needed the emergency beacon.  My niece came running out of her house when she saw my car and I could see she was visibly shaking.  That's when I learned it had been a 5.9 magnitude and the epicenter was just a few short miles from my sister, my other niece and nephews and my dad.  We sat on her porch while the boys played with her dog and just started calling phone numbers over and over, hoping to get someone on the other end.  Texts were still getting through somehow, but phone calls weren't.  Shawn texted to tell me his office building was evacuated and they weren't letting them back in.  I heard from my other niece and learned she was okay, but she wasn't able to get through to her mom or brothers either.  I heard from my friends, all of us sounding off, but too far away from each other to do anything other than give support via text.  Their children were in the schools located up the road from me and I waited to hear if I was needed.  When you're a mom and something like this happens, all you want to do is to be able to hold your children, smell their familiar scents and just be with them.  It's difficult to be away from your children when things like this happen.  Because I am closest and home during the day, I am the stand-in hugger, holder and comforter.  I was finally sent on my head-counting mission; I made sure all the kids were safe, then reported back to their moms.  Meanwhile, my niece had finally heard from her family that everyone was okay and no major damage was reported.  Shawn chimed in to let me know his building had been secured long enough for him to retrieve his belongings and he was on his way home.

I do wonder a bit if Noah's earlier increased behaviors were due to his body somehow being more attuned to what was going to happen.  Shawn thinks I'm nuts, but a few other people think I might be on to something.

Tonight, I am grateful and thankful, feeling incredibly blessed.  I am grateful to our Father for keeping me, my boys, Shawn, my family and friends safe.  I am grateful I was outside with my children and not inside where they would have seen things shake, rattle and roll and possibly been more panicked than they were.  For Noah, that's huge.  I am grateful to have friends who care enough to check on us.  I am grateful that God kept me calm and focused so I could think clearly, help my niece and calm her, keep my children calm, notify my mother that we were all okay and be safe on the roads when I went out to check on my friends' children.  I am grateful and blessed to be a stay home mom who homeschools so that I was not separated from my children when this happened.  I am grateful and blessed that my friends know they can rely on me to check on their children.  I am grateful and blessed that my friends trust me to be there for their children.  I am blessed to be the stand-in comforter, to be in the position where I can help my friends and ease their fears when they are separated from their children.  For me, as a mom, being able to give other moms peace of mind in situations like this is an amazing blessing.  Tonight, I am simply grateful and thankful that all is well.

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  1Thessalonians 5:18 

Night Night, Jesus!

Shawn and I have a nightly bedtime prayer ritual with Avery and Noah.  We pray with Noah, pray over Avery and then anoint both boys with prayer oil.  I can't remember how it all started, but Avery reminds us every night now, "Oil!"

One thing we've added to Avery's routine is to have him say, "Night night Jesus!  Thank you Jesus!  I love you Jesus!"  I know he is only repeating what we're telling him to say right now, but hopefully while we continue this and other things we're doing to teach Avery about God and Jesus, eventually our ritual will mean something to him.

The other night, Avery demanded, "Want some!" and pointed to our little bottle of oil.  Shawn helped Avery put his little finger over the top of the bottle and dip some oil onto his finger.  First, Avery touched his finger to his own forehead, saying, "Night night Jesus!  Tank you Jesus!  Yuv you Jesus!"  Avery then pointed at Shawn's forehead and said, "Here Daddy!" then proceeded to touch Shawn's forehead with his finger and said "Night night Jesus!  Tank you Jesus!  Yuv you Jesus!"  Then Avery pointed to my forehead and went through the routine for me.  Shawn and I said our good nights to our youngest son and left his room with warm hearts and teary eyes.

It looks like our nightly bedtime ritual already means something to Avery...
Thank you, Jesus.  I love you Jesus.

"Me" Day

Excuse me while I brag on my husband for a bit.

We've had another one of those "left -field" weeks.  It was a long one and yesterday I lost my patience very early on with the children.  It felt like every time I tried to regain my parental footing, I was thrown off again.  In reality, I don't think Noah and Avery were really behaving any differently than they usually do; it was more about me and my mood.

Last night before going to bed, Shawn told me that Saturday would be a guaranteed Me Day.  He said he would keep the kids busy all day so I could have a break.  I told him it wasn't really necessary, I just needed a good night's sleep.

This morning I woke up at 8:30 without children in my bed (which is getting to be a rarity) and the door was closed.  Huh?  I stumbled into the hallway and was greeted with a freshly made latte, courtesy of my dear husband.  He quickly informed me that I would not have to answer to "Mom"--or any variation of the word--today.  I also would not have to do the much-needed house cleaning I've been grumbling about.  I was to take my book and go elsewhere.

 Honestly, I'm not quite sure what to do without my family.  I know I should take a break when it's offered, but I wasn't sure what to do or where to go.  Shawn was working hard on the house, enlisting the kids' help.  I told him I'd mop once the vacuuming was finished and received The Look from my husband.  I thought I was the only one allowed to give The Look.  So, I turned around and went outside. I cleaned out the inside of my car.  Wow, the kids has stowed away enough crumbs and leftover food to feed a small army.  Gross.  I came inside to make lunch and found the kids working hard on helping Shawn clean the house.  Well, Noah was helping clean, Avery was helping redistribute the mess.  I started to make lunch and was told to get out of the kitchen.  Shawn took over the lunch-making duties and told me to go relax with my book.  Um, okay.  We had a nice family lunch and then I was reprimanded for putting my own dish in the dishwasher.  Shawn took the boys outside for a bit, then set them up with a movie.  I was ordered back to my room with my book and cats.  The rest of our day went pretty much the same way:  Me offering to help with something and being turned down, Shawn running interference with the boys and taking care of everything else he could think of.

I'm not sure today went the way Shawn had envisioned (we've put the boys to bed early and he's already declared he's not single-parent material), but it was what I needed to recharge.  Shawn and the boys have expressed their love for me through their acts today.  It was more than that for me, though.  Shawn had a small melanoma removed yesterday and I know the things he did today were the last things he felt like doing.  His shoulder is all knotted up from holding it protectively due to the stitches, so he hasn't been himself.  He was uncomfortable and grouchy, yet he made sure I had a Me Day anyway.

I love this guy!

"However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."  Ephesians 5:33

Pity Party Pep Talk

Let's face it, you'll never see me driving around with a "Too Blessed to be Stressed" bumper sticker on my Jeep.  As tremendously blessed as I am, I will always find something to be stressed about.  This is just who I am and how I'm wired.  

Do you ever have one of those days where the "what qualifies for normal in your life" things you deal with day in and day out hit you like a ton of bricks and stop you in your tracks?  I had that day Tuesday.  The sad thing is, Tuesday was really a great day for our family. Just the enormity of everything we've had thrown at us in the past 8 months hit me really hard for some reason.  I was sitting with Noah doing his work and just suddenly felt overwhelmed by all the reasons we're homeschooling our son:  Bullying, three different schools in five years, a house we can't sell to get to a better school and neighborhood, the issues we've had with our neighbors, Noah's four diagnoses--some days it just feels like the list goes on.  My shoulders sank with the weight of it and I wanted to cry.  I was having a pity party.  

I emailed one of my good friends and laid it all out for her.  I know how blessed we are.  I know Noah is the same kid he was in December before these diagnoses.  The distinction now is that we have names for his differences, so we are learning how to help him better.  I know I am loved by my husband and we have two wonderful boys, who we are tremendously lucky to have. Best of all, we are growing closer to God as a family and developing that necessary relationship.  I just felt a little bit stuck in my rut.

In turn, my friend laid it all for me in her return email pep talk.  For whatever reason, God has had us stay in this particular neighborhood.  The bad news people are slowly moving out and some good news people are moving in.  God has provided us with everything necessary to homeschool Noah and provide a good life for our children.  Our kids are happy, healthy and well loved. Yes, a lot has happened, but we're persevering and moving forward.   We may not be where we want to be, but we're where God wants us to be.  I need to stop dwelling on what has happened and start being grateful for what is happening.

Wednesday morning, I started worrying again:  Am I too protective of Noah?  Am I going about this all wrong?  I've not only allowed him to run from most of the problems we've come across, but I've helped him run.  I tell myself it's because the world is unable to conform to him and right now, I can't expect him to be able to conform to the world.  But am I lying to myself?  I won't allow Noah to use any of this as an excuse to not be successful in life; instead, I want him to be successful in spite of and because of everything he's been through and is going through.  Thank goodness I have friends who keep me straight.  Yes, we've run away from problems in the past, but now we've turned around to face them head-on.  We've restructured our lives in ways to help Noah become a confident, successful child.  My friend assured me that Noah is not a brat in desperate need of structure and discipline.

So today, I'm taking stock.  I'm incredibly proud of Noah and how well he is adjusting to the many changes that have happened.  For a child who doesn't handle change well, most days he's handling it better than I am.  Tuesday he had a lot of schoolwork to accomplish due to catch-up from Monday, but we only had one real behavioral problem.  He stuck to it and did a fantastic job.  Wednesday, he was finished with his work by 11:30, even after going on to do two assignments that were on the schedule for tomorrow.  He took the initiative to do that part himself.  Schoolwork for the rest of the week has gone just as well. Noah seems happier and even though it's only the first week of school, this program really seems to be working well for him.  We're already seeing a positive difference:  Noah gets automatic results, has a schedule on his board to look at that shows visible/tangible progress and he feels successful (because he is).  Tuesday, even after his school work was complete, after his down time, he was still on the ball.  He wanted to be helpful with Avery, got through his chores and aimed to do more so he could earn a tv show.  Noah accomplished more yesterday with less fussing than I think I've ever seen.  Why?  Because we're teaching him how capable he really is.  Because we're giving him the type of structure he needs.  Because we love him.  Because I'm doing my best to go about this the right way.

Thank goodness I have friends who give me a good swift kick in the tush when I need it.  They ground me and keep me on track.

So, today I'm signing off--


--but we'll see what happens tomorrow!

First Day of Fifth Grade.... Sort Of....

Today was supposed to start off with a bang:  It was the first day of our homeschool!  We had a few chores and bunny feeding to take care first thing this morning, so I had hoped to get us started by 10 and finished up by 2 or 3.  All of this is new to us and I really wasn't sure how long to expect Noah's lessons to take.  But because we live in left field, our plans didn't quite work out the way I had hoped.  Nothing ever does around here.....

We started our morning off by taking the annual "back to school" photos.  Noah accused me of being silly because we are homeschooling this year.  I told him back to school is back to school, no matter how (or where) we're doing it, so traditions still apply!

We got started on time, but all of us had forgotten Noah's password to the school screen on his computer.  I'd also managed to forget where I'd written it down.  I finally found it in the notebook I've been keeping of all our homeschooling paperwork (duh) and we were officially on our way!  That is, until we tried to log in to Noah's school account online.  We tried numerous times to log in, but nothing worked.  Oh, we had the wrong site link.  We finally got to the correct site link and still couldn't log in.  Because Shawn had locked this particular screen down to only one site using parental controls and we couldn't get into it from Noah's computer.  At this point, we switched to my laptop so we could get to the correct site.  We finally logged in after several more attempts on my laptop and Noah started his lessons!  Yay, we were finally on our way!  Sort of....  Halfway through his first lesson, the site kicked us off.  We logged in again... and again and again.  At this point, I was beginning to wonder if it was too late to get our money back.  Is it going to be like this every day?  Out of 13 lessons, we made it through 3.  While Noah was working on one of his Bible assignments, he shouted, "This is so easy!  Miss Melissa taught us this!"  Miss Melissa happens to be the totally awesome children's ministry leader at our church. After 3 phone calls to tech support and 2 to the school to ask what I was doing wrong, I found out that no one had been able to log on and stay on the school sites today.  They are hoping to have it fixed by tomorrow....

Instead of continuing to frustrate ourselves, we had lunch, made a trip to the library (after I spent 30 minutes looking for where Avery had hidden my keys this time), then I kicked the kids outside to play on the new playset Shawn built over the weekend while I baked some much needed (kneaded?) stress-relieving bread!

So, I guess tomorrow will be our first official day of fifth grade....  I hope!

Dancing in the Minefields

Shawn and I recently celebrated our 11^th anniversary.  I’ve wanted to write a post about marriage and everything we’ve survived, but I wasn’t sure where to begin.  There are many things I want to say on the topic, but I haven’t been able to put them into the proper format or words.  I think I’m ready.

Shawn and I have known each other almost 18 years.  We met my junior year in high school.  Mutual friends who were dating wanted a couple they could double date with, so they set us up on a blind date.  We broke up my senior year after deciding our relationship wasn’t something we wanted to pursue and went our separate ways for college.  Then tragedy hit Shawn’s family and I decided track him down.  We started dating again and were unofficially-officially engaged for less than a few months when we found out we were pregnant with Noah.  *I say "unofficially-officially" engaged because we knew we wanted to be married someday, but also knew at that point neither of us were ready, so marriage wasn't the best idea (there's a huge lesson there kids, pay attention!)*  Our marriage got off to a rocky beginning and there were times neither of us thought we’d make it.  Now we’ve been married for 11 years.  I suppose the joke is on us! 

Our marriage is far from perfect—we argue, fuss and fight, disagree on quite a few things and have our differences.  But we also have fun: we laugh, we enjoy each other’s company, we love and we work things out.  Our marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s our imperfect marriage.  We make it work and we work hard to make it work.  I think the most important thing is that we want to make it work. We love each other and we want to be together.  When we found the divorce statistics for parents of children with special needs, we made the commitment to get through this together.  Honestly, I can’t imagine going through it with anyone else.  I don’t want to go through it with anyone else. I love being married to Shawn (never mind that if he hadn’t married me, I’d be the crazy cat lady living in my mother’s basement with a gazillion cats!).  I consider my husband my best friend.  God is my solid rock, but Shawn is my earthly rock.

My husband is a faithful, good man.  There were plenty of times he probably should have taken Noah and left when I was at my sickest.  But he stood by me, hoping I would get better and get through everything I was dealing with.  He took good care of me and remained faithful.  Shawn is a good dad, striving to be everything neither one of us had in a father.  He wants to be a better person, so he’s making efforts to do so.  We both want to be better spouses, so we’re both taking measures to do that, as well.   One thing we’ve learned is that we need more time together, just the two of us.  Continuing to date your spouse is an important part of a good marriage.  There are many things we’ve learned, but I won’t take up space here spelling them out.  I’m blessed each and every day by Shawn.  He works hard for our family, with the weight of the world on his shoulders.  It’s not easy being the only breadwinner in a family, especially when your wife and son have medical issues that need constant care. 

I have several favorite memories of our marriage that have shown me how Shawn loves me and “gets” me.  We were poor as church mice when we were first married, barely able to scrape enough money together for the deposit on the townhouse we were renting.  I had a cat at the time who was living with my parents.  The pet deposit on the townhouse looked astronomical to me and I wondered how we’d be able to afford moving Sophie in with us.  The night of our wedding, as we were leaving my parent’s house, Shawn told me to grab Sophie and bring her home.  I looked at him questioningly and he said, “It’s okay. I took care of it.”  To this day, I still have no idea where the money for the pet deposit came from, but in that act of love, Shawn showed me he understood what was important to me.  Again, being poor as church mice, I didn’t get an engagement ring before we were married.  It wasn't important to me—we had more necessary things to spend our money on—but it had always been a matter of pride for Shawn.  On our anniversary in 2006, Shawn finally proposed to me and gave me an engagement ring.  He was so sweet and loving about it, stopping in front of the prettiest floral shop on Main Street in the town we lived in.  I wasn’t sure what he was up to; he pulled my hand to stop me, got down on one knee and proposed.  Yes, people stopped to watch.  It was so touching to me that he took the time to be romantic about it, calling a babysitter and taking me out for dinner.  For me, waiting six years for the official proposal and ring was worth it; we have a cute little story to tell and it was more meaningful for both of us.  The story of how he got the engagement ring is another funny story entirely.  This year on our anniversary, I woke up to hear music in the hallway from outside our closed bedroom door, Shawn nowhere to be found.  I opened the door and there was Shawn in the hallway, wearing his black trench coat, holding his iPod over his head playing Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes, a la John Cusack in Say Anything.  He strives to make me laugh, make me smile and make me happy.  If you ask Shawn, he will tell you that he doesn't do enough for me.  If you ask me, I will tell you the things he does show me how important I am in his life and just how much he loves me.

Several months ago, I heard a song called Dancing in the Minefields.  It made me cry; I fell in love with it immediately because it just described so much of our marriage so well.   I originally heard it with a Christian connection, as a love song to Jesus.  But the video shows something different, a love song between husband and wife, made possible because of God.  There is no one I’d rather dance through the minefields of our crazy life in left field with.

Shawn, I love you.  Always and forever. God made you for me so we can dance together in the chaos of this world. 








http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Gs3fg_WsEg&ob=av2e

Comfort Music

Recently our church has been making more of an effort to sing some of the old hymns during praise and worship.  I'm loving it.  Seriously, I've really been enjoying it.  Our band gives an upbeat feeling to them while still being extremely praiseworthy.  I love how the instruments and voices blend together so beautifully.  Not like the funeral dirge-like music Shawn remembers from his Southern Baptist upbringing.  My church was a little different: Catholic.  We were unusually rather upbeat for a Catholic church, but still had some dirge-like moments too.  Right now you might be wondering how a Catholic and a Baptist who were married in an Episcopal church managed to meet in the middle, but that's another post! 

I love the contemporary Christian music, but I realized what a shame it is my children aren't growing up with these old hymns.  It's important to me that they learn these songs too:  Amazing Grace, The Old Rugged Cross, How Great Thou Art, I Need Thee Every Hour, Great is Thy Faithfulness, Blessed Assurance, Fairest Lord Jesus--you get the idea.  I have some fond memories of some of the songs we used to sing at church and listen to at home.  One album in particular I remember all the way back to before kindergarten.  It was called Earthen Vessels and I remember listening to it on our cross-country trip when we were transferred from CO to VA.  Back then, cars didn't have cassette players (we also walked uphill in the snow without shoes both ways), so we had a one of our own, but it didn't switch sides automatically.  My sister, being six years older, was in charge of switching the tape. The cat we were traveling with wasn't a happy traveler.  Sunshine howled the entire time unless she was tranquilized.  The Earthen Vessels tape also seemed to help keep her calm.  I remember my mother telling my sister, "Quick!  Flip it before she wakes up!"

Anyway, my quest has begun to find some of the old hymns and songs I used to sing at church so we can start listening to them at home.  These songs are important parts of our Christian history/heritage and I don't want my kids missing out.  My husband thinks I'm nuts, but that's normal.  The other day I happily shopped for new music, finally settling on three CDs with contemporary singers singing old hymns.  I also started downloading more from iTunes, even finding Earthen Vessels on there!  They are all now on a playlist on my phone so the boys and I can listen to them at home, in the car or anywhere else.

1 Chronicles 16:9
Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts.

Noah's First Job

Recently a "job post" came through on the homeschooling chat group I've joined.  A family was looking for a child to take care of their rabbits for a few days.  I asked Noah if he was interested in applying for the job.  He got a huge smile on his face and jumped at the chance.  He had to answer several interview questions and references were requested, so it's been up to him to contact the necessary people to ask for them (we did some role playing for that!).  I'm really proud of him for going outside of his box with this.  Noah loves animals, but isn't usually open to new ideas, having a tendency to shy away from new experiences.  I was afraid having to answer the questions would be another stumbling block for him.  I did not help him with the answers at all, just typed them out for him!  He proved himself once again to be well spoken, honest and responsible.  We talked about how he needed to be honest, but also needed to "sell" himself and what that means.  I think the promise of being paid was a huge incentive for Noah this time...  Great news:  Noah got the job!  Even if he hadn't been hired, I still would have been proud of him for just taking the chance with a new experience and going through all the necessary motions.  This has been a positive experience for him and he's so very excited!

PS:  We met "the rabbit people" today....  Turns out they um, use the cute little bunnies for meat....  No, I'm not telling Noah that part.  Knowing him, we'd either wake up to find seven bunnies happily hopping around our backyard after he'd walked to their home in the night to 'rescue' them, or I'd hear him flinging cage doors open while crying, "BE FREE, BUNNIES, BE FREE!" at their home.  :)  I love my son; after all, he IS his mother's son!


I wanted to share Noah's email response with you.  I'm quite proud of his answers.  #5 made me cry, but #3 made me laugh!  Enjoy!

Good morning, this is Noah responding.  I am 10 years old and starting 5th grade on Monday.  I love animals!  My mom says I have a way with animals that some other people don't have.  I think animals know I'm nice to them because they like me when they meet me.  I have several people I can ask for references if you want.  I have been taking care of the pets for two families we are friends with and I also volunteer with my mom once a week, so they can help me with giving you references.  My mom is going to type while I tell her what I want to say.

1. Tell us about any experience you've had taking care of others' animals? Your
own animals?

I have 3 cats and one dog.  I feed my dog two scoops in the morning and two scoops at night and I give her her vitamins.  I let her out whenever she needs to go potty.  Her bed is in my room, so that's where she sleeps.   Before my dog got too old, I used to toss the ball for her and she would jump.  Our vet says that hurts her hips too much so now we just race in the backyard.  When we first got her, my dad and I trained her to take her ball outside and bring it back inside and put it in her toy basket by herself.   I refill the automatic feeder for the cats whenever it gets low and I'm in charge of making sure the litter box is clean.  I also play with the cats, love them and cuddle them.  Our dog found one of our cats that we named Wilbur as a newborn kitten in a stump in our backyard.  I helped Mom and our dog raise him and he's now a healthy cat.  Another one of our cats that I named Jethro, followed us home on Halloween night.  The vet told us he was about 5 months old and was a stray.  I helped Mom get him used to our family and introduce him to the other pets.  Our oldest cat is a cat my mom got while she was in college.

Some of our friends went on vacation last week and couldn't take their dog, so she stayed with us.  I was in charge of taking her for walks to go potty, feeding her, putting her in her crate when we left our house (she didn't like that part) and loving her.  She slept on my bed every night.  Other friends of ours are vacation this week and I've been helping my mom take care of their 5 cats, 2 lizards, 2 gerbils and 1 hamster.  I've had to make sure everyone has enough water, enough food and clean the 5 litter boxes.  

One time we had a foster cat named Mickey.  When he first got here, he didn't like anybody and hid under my mom's bed.  His family had to give him up and he missed them very much.  My mom said I was very helpful in getting him used to us.  I would lay on her bed quietly and wait for him to come out.  A few days after he got here, he got on the bed with me and snuggled and purred.  We had to find another home for him after he attacked my mom because my parents were worried he would hurt me or my little brother.

Once a week I go horseback riding.  Last week I learned how to feed the horses and clean their stalls.  I also got to learn how to ride bareback!  I have to brush the horses down before I put the saddle on them and brush the horse down again after I take the saddle off.  Sometimes if it's hot I get to spray the horse down!  My favorite horse is Scarlet.  I have been riding for about 6 months.

2. Describe how hard have you been working lately?

I've been working very hard lately.  I also am in charge of emptying and reloading the dishwasher, help Dad with yard work, taking the trash out and helping out around the house any way I'm asked.  I'm also a top student, receiving high scores on my CAT test and entrance tests for the online homeschooling program I'm using this year.  When I was in private school, I earned citizenship awards.

3. How do you react to being told "no"?

Mom says I push my luck sometimes and pout.  But then I move on and find something I am allowed to do.

4. What do you do when you can't do what your parents tell you to do?

I try it first and if it's too hard for me, I tell them I can't do it and ask for help.

5. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to do and why?

Finding out that I have Asperger's because that's been really hard for me, my mom and my dad.  But it's also been a good thing because now we know how to help me.

Thank you for the opportunity to apply for this job!  --Noah F.

Home of the Brave

Like many Americans, I've been very saddened by the recent deaths of our troops who were shot down in their Chinook helicopter.  As a military brat, it hits home.  We were one of the fortunate families who weren't transferred to often, were never transferred overseas, my dad was back from Vietnam long before I was born and retired before the Persian Gulf War.  There was a period of two years while we were stationed in Virginia Beach when we didn't see him often while he was overseas for training and maneuvers, but overall, it wasn't nearly as bad as what some of my friends went through.  My dad did spend time in Vietnam right after my parents were married and he was still there when my sister was born.  Even though that time seemed to take a toll on my dad, I count us as one of the lucky families.


My heart goes out to the families of the men lost in the Chinook attack.  Moms have lots sons, children have lost dads and wives have lost husbands.  Their lives will never be the same.  These men fought for their country and for what they believed in.  They and their families have given the ultimate sacrifice.  To them--and all of our troops who serve stateside and overseas, as well as their families--I'm an extremely grateful mom and American.

I found this article last night while reading the news on CNN.  It's about a little boy who wants his dad to be remembered.  He wants the world to know that he wasn't just a soldier in our military, but he was a dad and a husband, too.  It broke my heart to read this and to know he isn't the only child missing his parent right now.  I hope you will read the article and go on to read his iReport also.  He's speaking volumes with his few words.  Sadly, he is wise before his time.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/08/09/chinook.son.ireport/index.html?

If you are the praying kind, please keep our soldiers and their families in your prayers.  Their jobs are tough, yet they do them anyway because they believe in them.

Just Another Day in Left Field

My mom says this photo of Avery having dressed himself should be the cover photo I use for my book when I finally write about surviving life in left field.

I was able to have my youngest nephew Jake, who is 5, for a little while this morning.  We don't get to see him often, so it was nice that he, Avery and Noah could play together.  My mother doesn't get to talk to Jake often, so she called while he was here.  I gave Mom a quick rundown when she asked how my day was going:  Noah was hanging upside down on the couch, Jake was vacuuming the couch with Avery's toy vacuum, Avery was swinging from the couch and I was covered in flour because I was in the middle of  a baking binge.  My mother replied, "Yep, sounds like a typical day!"  Welcome to my world.  

Later, as we were driving down the road, Noah saw a sign advertising toy poodle puppies for sale at an astronomical price.  "That's ridiculous!  Why would anyone pay that for a toy when they can get the real thing?" he exclaimed.  Welcome to left field.

A piece to my cherry pitter has disappeared.  Somewhere between pitting the cherries for the pie I was making and getting the pitter to the sink to be washed, it was just gone.  Just like Shawn's computer mouse ball, the BluRay remote and my house and car keys.  We know Avery is the one who has run off with these items, hoarding them like the cats hoard shiny objects and rubber bands.  We've tried everything to get him to own up to where he's stashed them, but he's not telling.  Welcome to my world in left field!

It's been another crazy, hair-pulling, nutty day in our crazy house.  Avery sang, "I wear no pants" (thank you, dear Dockers) throughout the grocery store while Noah walked alongside the cart picking his nose and I said "Hi" to everyone we saw (and just because of the behaviors of my children, we happened to run into everyone we know today).  When we went to take care of my friend's pets while she's away, Avery scooped the two kittens up by their necks into the crooks of his arms, toting them around the house, proudly announcing, "I have two titties, Mommy!"  I burnt the white chocolate I was baking with and ruined it.  Noah used an entire brand new can of bathroom cleaner when I asked him to spray the tub down, then dumped an entire 2 pound box of baking soda into the litter box when I asked him to sprinkle the litter with it.  Avery chased Noah, Jake, the kitties and the dog with his toy hammer, hitting them on their heads with it.  Because I'm at a loss as to what to do with this particular child when he acts like this, I grabbed it, firmly told him that we don't hit other people.  So what did I do then????  Like an idiot, I bonked him on the head with it gently so he'd know how it feels.  Nothing like contradicting yourself as a parent.  I did the same thing when he started biting and that backfired on me.  Now Avery bites himself and offers up his hand, "You bite too, Mommy?"  I'm also at a loss with what to do with Noah most days.  He ran around today acting like a nutball.  I'm thinking of investing in a tranquilizer gun.  A good friend told me today that when I finally slip into senility (you mean I'm not already?), chances are good no one will notice because I'm already so far gone.  Yes, this is life in left field.

And now I've reached the end of my day. I've hugged, loved and prayed my children good night, made 120 Oreo Truffles (60 milk chocolate and 60 white chocolate) and baked three pies from scratch (2 apple and 1 cherry).  I've delivered some truffles and a few pieces of pie to some friends.  Now I'm writing my blog post and settling down with my husband, surrounded by a couple of purring kitties.  Welcome to what keeps me sane out here in left field.

We live in our little world here in left field.  But it's okay, they know us here!

Horse Camp

Noah has been incredibly busy this summer!  Last week he was able to participate in the horse camp at the facility where he rides.  And let me tell you, they worked hard at putting on quite a good time for these kids!  His instructor was different from the woman he usually has, but Miss Kat was just as terrific. Noah did very well under her guidance and loved every minute of it! It was only 2 hours every morning, but that as just enough for Noah.  He was able to do quite a few new things and earn some new responsibilities, he learned some new things about the horses he rides and he was able to be himself where he's easily accepted and liked while having a great time.  As his mom, I can't tell you how grateful I am for these moments and everyone who works so hard to make them happen for him.  



On the first day, they learned about the anatomy of a horse and some of the breeds.  They also got to feed the horses, which Noah loved doing.  One of the foods is called 'Happy Hoof,' which we found hilarious.  His instructor said Noah asked a lot of questions (duh!) and they were all good ones.  Noah was able to ride a little more independently than usual (no lead and only one walker), which he also did very well with.  It was up to him remember what physical and verbal commands he needed to use to make the horse go where he wanted it to.  Miss Kat, told me that she was going to allow him more independence throughout the week because he was definitely ready for it.  Yay Noah!  At the end of their day, Charm was nice enough to allow the kids to paint her!

Another day, Noah learned how to ride bareback!  Noah liked the feel of this better than riding with a saddle; up until now, he's liked the English and Dressage saddles best.  He says the Western saddle isn't comfortable and is too stiff.  It's all about sensory input with 'these kids.'  Miss Kat noted that Noah seemed more sure and his posture seemed better while riding bareback.


There were also lasso lessons, water gun fights while riding the horses, bobbing for apples, painting and throwing horseshoes, making special treats for the horses and feeding them to the horses, and cleaning up after the horses.  Noah was able to have new experiences, meet new people and make new friends.

On the last day, I allowed Noah to take one of my cameras with him so he could memorialize his camp experience in the ways that he wanted to.  When he got home, we downloaded 124 pictures to our computer!  Many of them he took were of his new favorite horse, Scarlet.  We laughed at this picture because it looks like she's smiling!          

I am truly grateful for the experiences Noah is having with this program.  He is making great progress and benefitting from it so much.  It is an amazing relief to see Noah (finally) excelling at something naturally.  It makes me a much happier mom to see him happy and successful.  I don't know if the instructors, walkers, caretakers, volunteers, office workers, horses and everyone else who makes this facility happen will ever completely understand how much their hard work and dedication mean to me.  They are the kind of people who help make this world go 'round.

"Mr. Independent"

I had to share these three pictures and the stories behind them just because Avery makes me laugh and smile.  If you haven't already figured it out, I'm quite taken with my boys....  :)

Avery and I had some time to waste this week while Noah was in horse camp every morning, so we made ourselves busy at Wegman's, Super Target and Michael's (needless to say, I haven't shown Shawn the checkbook yet...).  The Target bag had some juice box-like milks in it for Avery, so he insisted on carrying it.  It also held other items, so I'm certain it weighed as much as he does.  He grunted and groaned, hauled it halfway across the parking lot, carrying it with both hands and doing that fast-paced little penguin walk a person does when carrying too big a load. He then collapsed in a frustrated heap in the middled of the parking lot, exhausted and crying.  "Too hebby Mommy!  Hebby!"  Have you ever tried to talk sense into an independent-minded, stubborn two year old who is sitting in the middle of the road?  Doesn't work.  I ended up carrying him so he could carry the bag, still crying and upset with himself.  We had to console each other with a quick trip to Dunkin' Donuts after that.

How can you resist that little face?!

In Michael's, I was able to give Avery a little more freedom.  He didn't want to ride in the cart, so I told him he either had to hold onto the cart or hold hands.  I should have been more specific about which hands he had to hold.  Avery clasped his little hands together and proudly declared, "I hold hands Mommy!"  But you know what?  It worked!  He was such a good little boy, holding his own hands, sticking close to me, not touching anything he shouldn't and listening well to my directions.  We made it through the entire store and bought what we needed (and then some) without a single temper tantrum or other sort of incident.  Whew!

Avery is a little on the jealous side of Noah's riding helmet.  He insists on wearing this little plastic knight's helmet when we go to riding lessons now.  "I wear hemmet too Mommy!"

God's Playlist

Today was a heavy day for me.  2011 has been a heavy year for me.  I'm ready for it to be over.  Or just curl up into a ball with my blankie and hide in my closet until this all passes over.  How long do you think that will take?

Between Noah's newest diagnoses and a friend's news (Her adult daughter is dying of cancer.  She will leave behind an 8 year old daughter of her own), my heart is very heavy.  I had to drive Shawn's car this morning, which always leaves me anxious, especially since I was traveling outside of the easy "Rescue Amy" zone.  I was going to see a psychiatrist for information about Noah and had all sorts of thoughts going through my head.  I was talking to God (not listening...) and turning into a babbling, rambling mess.  I turned the radio on to the Christian station we listen to and really tried to listen to the words I was hearing.  As I listened and prayed, I realized every single song that was being played were messages I needed to hear.  God was telling me: "Lean on me, I'll help you carry this, I'll even carry it for you.  I love you, child. I'll never give you anything more than we can handle together.  Please let Me in, allow Me to help you and ease your burdens.  I've traveled these paths already and we'll get through this together."

What else could I do but cry?  I felt so humbled, so graced.  These aren't just my problems, these are our problems.

On the way home, after receiving Noah's diagnoses, I turned the same station on.  I cried and talked to God.  I told him that I'm not strong enough to do this on my own, I cried out to Him and asked for His help.  I cried most of the way home.  I needed to get it out of my system so that when I got home, I could pull on my big girl panties and be ready to tackle this for Noah.  Just as I was having this thought, my brain tuned back in to the song on the radio:  "Move" by Mercy Me.

I'm not about to give up
Because I heard you say
There's gonna be brighter days
There's gonna be brighter days
I wont stop, I'll keep my head up
No, I'm not here to stay
There's gonna be brighter days
There's gonna be brighter days

I just might bend but I won't break
As long as I can see your face

When life won't play along
And right keeps going wrong
And I can't seem to find my way
I know where I am found
So I won't let it drag me down
Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway

I'm gonna move, move
I'm gonna move, move
I'm gonna move (I'm gonna move)

I've got to hold 'er steady
Keep my head in the game
Everything is about to change
Everything is about to change

This hurt is getting heavy
But I'm not about to cave
Everything is about to change
There's gonna be brighter days

I just might bend but I won't break
As long as I can see your face

I'm gonna move
(No matter what may come)
(Gotta move to a different drum)
(No matter what life brings)
(Gotta move gotta move to a different beat)
(Gotta move gotta move to a different beat)

I just might bend but I won't break
As long as I can see your face

I'm gonna move
I'm gonna move
I'm gonna move, gonna move

I had to laugh (thank goodness):  God was telling me that yes, I did indeed need to put my big girl panties back on and be ready to tackle this latest monkey wrench!

Noah and I call the radio "God's Playlist."  We play it in the house and in the cars.  The kids hear it constantly.   There are times we want to listen to the music we want to hear, but sometimes, when we listen to the radio, we hear the messages God needs us to hear.  

So what am I going to do?  I'm gonna pull up my big girl panties and move....

"Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always."  1 Chronicles 16:11

I'll Take Asperger's, ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder for $100, Alex

So, we're here again....  I met with the child psychologist who gave us a second opinion on Noah's diagnosis(es) this morning.  This particular doctor did more extensive testing: social/emotional, educational, parent feedback, feedback from Noah, and so on.  We sought out this doctor because even after Noah's original diagnosis of Asperger's, we still suspected ADHD and we wanted to rule out any other learning disabilities.  We were also looking for some suggestions to help Noah.

I liked this doctor immediately when we first met her last month.  She is a mother of 5, a Christian who is deep in her faith, soft spoken and easy to work with.  I later found out she's a former school psychologist fed up with the school system, now working part time for the university we took Noah to.  I felt confident with the choice that was made for us (when I called to make the appointment, we were assigned a case worker; I was not given a chance to choose who Noah saw, so I have God to thank for this one!).

Anyway....

Dr. B confirmed the diagnosis of Asperger's.  She also confirmed my suspicions of ADHD (sometimes being right isn't always a good thing...) and also added a diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  Because anxiety is part of Asperger's, I asked her how she could differentiate that the anxiety he's experiencing is beyond what is encompassed with his Asperger's.  She showed me the scales that Noah and I both filled out, telling me that anything above 65 indicates a significant issue.  Most of Noah's scores were 80 or above.  I also asked how ADHD and Asperger's are differentiated, because they have so much in common.  Again, she showed me some of Noah's scores on the Brown's ADD Scale, as well as Noah's self-reports and a few other things that were tested.  Noah definitely qualifies for the diagnosis.  My poor son.  Thankfully, she did find any learning disabilities.  She had many positive things to say about Noah, for which I was grateful.  She found him to be very insightful, aware and bright for his age.


So, what do we do now?  Now I find Noah a counselor.  His low self esteem, the beginnings of depression and anxiety are all reversible and treatable.  Dr. B indicated that Noah is very bright, insightful and aware for his age and believes that because of those characteristics, he will respond well to counseling, along with the proper type of behavior modifications and "brain retraining."  I need to help Noah learn to change his thinking about himself and see himself in a more positive light.  Integrating him in more extracurricular activities that he excels at and likes are also part of increasing his self esteem and decreasing his anxiety.  As for Asperger's and ADHD, those are pretty much lifetime issues--but they are still treatable and manageable.  There is counseling, behavior modification and "brain retraining" for those as well.  Social skills training is another good thing.  I'm still trying to find a mentor for him (young adult or high school age), to help reinforce some of the things we're working on, to model appropriate behaviors and so on.  Then, of course, there's medication.  Noah and I go back to the developmental pediatrician next week.  I'm going to push for a continued increase in Noah's Paxil and I'm hoping that with the added diagnosis of GAD, she'll be more amenable to a higher dose.  I'm also going to push for something to help Noah with the ADHD.  We have to be careful here because traditional stimulants tend to have the opposite effect on persons with co-morbid AS.  They can actually make things much worse in these children.  I'm hoping this doctor will be willing to try new things.  I'm still trying to set up an appointment for Noah with another doctor because I'm really not pleased with how things are going.  She's very conservative, which I want, but I also want someone is willing to try new things: conservative, yet aggressive, if that makes sense.  I've found out about two psychiatrists who specialize in treating "children like Noah," so I've been trying to get Noah on at least one of their wait lists.

So, how do we all feel about this?  I wish I knew.  I hate being right.  In some ways, it's a relief to have answers and a plan, but I'm also heartbroken for Noah.  He's a resilient kid, but just how much can one child take?  When I told him, it was the same flat response I've come to expect:  the typical Aspy response, if you will.  I didn't tell him about the GAD because it will literally just give him one more thing to worry about.  I tried to talk with him about our plan, the nice things Dr B had to say about him and that it's going to be okay, that we'll get through this.  He tuned me out (typical response) and began asking about dessert.  Sometimes he takes some time to process these things, then comes back later with thoughts and questions.

I guess that's all for now.

Article to Share: Autism

A friend shared this article with me today and while Noah does not experience autism to this level (thankfully and gratefully), it was incredibly easy for me to relate to.  Many of the thoughts this other mom has shared have been thought by me, said by me, wished and prayed for by me in relation to Noah.  I appreciate that she points out her son and others with autism are children first, they experience autism second.  She also points out our children were/are God's children before they became ours.  Of course I know that already, but it is still just so profound to me when I stop to really think about it.

Just as this mother has discovered for her son, there is a plan for Noah and Asperger's just happens to be part of it.  There isn't something wrong with Noah, nor is he broken, requiring fixing.  He came just the way God made him.   God has already written Noah's story and He's walked these paths before Noah; now it's up to us to learn how to help Noah navigate them himself to the best of his ability under God's guidance.

I hope you'll read this article and find as much insight as I did.

http://lds.org/ensign/2011/08/garrett-was-gods-child-first?lang=eng

When it's More Than a Job

Every now and then, we have the blessing of running into someone at a store who goes that extra mile.  The cashier who takes the time to talk to you and your children; the clerk who actually seems like he or she wants to genuinely help you when you need it; the greeter who asks how your day is going as you enter the store, then waves enthusiastically to your child as he calls out "Bye bye!" and blows kisses when you leave; the barista at the drive thru who smiles, waves and says, "Aww!  You're welcome!" when your over-enthusiastic toddler calls, "Thank you!" and blows kisses from the backseat.  These are the people I greatly appreciate.  I always hope that I'm as nice to them as they are to us and that I remember to show my gratitude.

I recently had the pleasure of running into such a person.  Not only did this gentleman go the extra mile, but it was obvious this man does more than take his job seriously:  It's also a ministry to him.

Shawn and I went out for a very long-overdue date a few weeks ago.  While we were out, we made a stop at a bookstore so I could look for something to lead a Bible study/support group for parents with children with special needs (I'm still putting together my proposal for the group I want to start at the center).  Rather than attempt to go through every single book in the store, I asked one of the men who was working there if he could help me.  As he was typing my request into his search engine, he asked if I'm a parent of a child with special needs.  I liked this man right away:  He used the word "with," rather than saying, "special needs child."  We started talking and I told him a little bit about Noah.  In turn, he told me about his own son, born at 27 weeks with numerous health problems and not a very good prognosis.  Now he's 18, just graduated from high school and headed to a fairly prestigious college to study elementary education while he works toward his ultimate goal:  Becoming a preacher.  I smiled at that and shared Noah's vision from God with him, when God told Noah He wants him to preach His Word.

After helping me find my book, this gentleman got a curious look on his face.  He hesitated, then went on to tell me about a whiteboard on the wall back by his office.  He told me that people come in throughout the week to write prayer requests up there, while still more people come in to write them down, take them home and pray over them.  He told me that he and his staff also pray over these requests during staff meetings, as well as taking them home to pray over the requests on their own time.  I was in tears at this point, of course.  I wanted to hug the man.

Shawn and I paid for our items, thanked this gentleman, then I worked my way back to the whiteboard.  What to write?  I thought, then prayed for a few minutes, my hand hovering over the whiteboard.  Finally, I asked for strength for our family, for continued hope and peace in the face of everything that is thrown our way.  Being that this long-overdue date was occurring on the night of our eleventh anniversary, I also asked for a blessing over the next eleven years.  It was a comfort knowing others would join me in my requests.  It's always a comfort knowing my requests never fall on deaf ears.

I don't know how this gentleman began his day.  I don't know if he started out with a prayer to touch lives for the good of Christ.  I don't know what kind of day he'd had up until the moment of our conversation.  I do know that I hope I touched his life with my gratefulness.  I hope that he saw my appreciation in my eyes as I eeked out a quiet "Thank you, sir" around the knot in my throat.  I hope he knows that no matter what his prayers were that morning, he touched a life for the good of Christ, that he was a vessel of His Word.  

 "Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.  Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.  If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God.  If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.  To hie be the glory and the power for ever and every.  Amen."  1 Peter 9-11 (NIV)