Shawn and I recently celebrated our 11th anniversary. I’ve wanted to write a post about marriage and everything we’ve survived, but I wasn’t sure where to begin. There are many things I want to say on the topic, but I haven’t been able to put them into the proper format or words. I think I’m ready.
Shawn and I have known each other almost 18 years. We met my junior year in high school. Mutual friends who were dating wanted a couple they could double date with, so they set us up on a blind date. We broke up my senior year after deciding our relationship wasn’t something we wanted to pursue and went our separate ways for college. Then tragedy hit Shawn’s family and I decided track him down. We started dating again and were unofficially-officially engaged for less than a few months when we found out we were pregnant with Noah. *I say "unofficially-officially" engaged because we knew we wanted to be married someday, but also knew at that point neither of us were ready, so marriage wasn't the best idea (there's a huge lesson there kids, pay attention!)* Our marriage got off to a rocky beginning and there were times neither of us thought we’d make it. Now we’ve been married for 11 years. I suppose the joke is on us!
Our marriage is far from perfect—we argue, fuss and fight, disagree on quite a few things and have our differences. But we also have fun: we laugh, we enjoy each other’s company, we love and we work things out. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s our imperfect marriage. We make it work and we work hard to make it work. I think the most important thing is that we want to make it work. We love each other and we want to be together. When we found the divorce statistics for parents of children with special needs, we made the commitment to get through this together. Honestly, I can’t imagine going through it with anyone else. I don’t want to go through it with anyone else. I love being married to Shawn (never mind that if he hadn’t married me, I’d be the crazy cat lady living in my mother’s basement with a gazillion cats!). I consider my husband my best friend. God is my solid rock, but Shawn is my earthly rock.
My husband is a faithful, good man. There were plenty of times he probably should have taken Noah and left when I was at my sickest. But he stood by me, hoping I would get better and get through everything I was dealing with. He took good care of me and remained faithful. Shawn is a good dad, striving to be everything neither one of us had in a father. He wants to be a better person, so he’s making efforts to do so. We both want to be better spouses, so we’re both taking measures to do that, as well. One thing we’ve learned is that we need more time together, just the two of us. Continuing to date your spouse is an important part of a good marriage. There are many things we’ve learned, but I won’t take up space here spelling them out. I’m blessed each and every day by Shawn. He works hard for our family, with the weight of the world on his shoulders. It’s not easy being the only breadwinner in a family, especially when your wife and son have medical issues that need constant care.
I have several favorite memories of our marriage that have shown me how Shawn loves me and “gets” me. We were poor as church mice when we were first married, barely able to scrape enough money together for the deposit on the townhouse we were renting. I had a cat at the time who was living with my parents. The pet deposit on the townhouse looked astronomical to me and I wondered how we’d be able to afford moving Sophie in with us. The night of our wedding, as we were leaving my parent’s house, Shawn told me to grab Sophie and bring her home. I looked at him questioningly and he said, “It’s okay. I took care of it.” To this day, I still have no idea where the money for the pet deposit came from, but in that act of love, Shawn showed me he understood what was important to me. Again, being poor as church mice, I didn’t get an engagement ring before we were married. It wasn't important to me—we had more necessary things to spend our money on—but it had always been a matter of pride for Shawn. On our anniversary in 2006, Shawn finally proposed to me and gave me an engagement ring. He was so sweet and loving about it, stopping in front of the prettiest floral shop on Main Street in the town we lived in. I wasn’t sure what he was up to; he pulled my hand to stop me, got down on one knee and proposed. Yes, people stopped to watch. It was so touching to me that he took the time to be romantic about it, calling a babysitter and taking me out for dinner. For me, waiting six years for the official proposal and ring was worth it; we have a cute little story to tell and it was more meaningful for both of us. The story of how he got the engagement ring is another funny story entirely. This year on our anniversary, I woke up to hear music in the hallway from outside our closed bedroom door, Shawn nowhere to be found. I opened the door and there was Shawn in the hallway, wearing his black trench coat, holding his iPod over his head playing Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes, a la John Cusack in Say Anything. He strives to make me laugh, make me smile and make me happy. If you ask Shawn, he will tell you that he doesn't do enough for me. If you ask me, I will tell you the things he does show me how important I am in his life and just how much he loves me.
Several months ago, I heard a song called Dancing in the Minefields. It made me cry; I fell in love with it immediately because it just described so much of our marriage so well. I originally heard it with a Christian connection, as a love song to Jesus. But the video shows something different, a love song between husband and wife, made possible because of God. There is no one I’d rather dance through the minefields of our crazy life in left field with.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Gs3fg_WsEg&ob=av2e
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