Just Another Day in Left Field

My mom says this photo of Avery having dressed himself should be the cover photo I use for my book when I finally write about surviving life in left field.

I was able to have my youngest nephew Jake, who is 5, for a little while this morning.  We don't get to see him often, so it was nice that he, Avery and Noah could play together.  My mother doesn't get to talk to Jake often, so she called while he was here.  I gave Mom a quick rundown when she asked how my day was going:  Noah was hanging upside down on the couch, Jake was vacuuming the couch with Avery's toy vacuum, Avery was swinging from the couch and I was covered in flour because I was in the middle of  a baking binge.  My mother replied, "Yep, sounds like a typical day!"  Welcome to my world.  

Later, as we were driving down the road, Noah saw a sign advertising toy poodle puppies for sale at an astronomical price.  "That's ridiculous!  Why would anyone pay that for a toy when they can get the real thing?" he exclaimed.  Welcome to left field.

A piece to my cherry pitter has disappeared.  Somewhere between pitting the cherries for the pie I was making and getting the pitter to the sink to be washed, it was just gone.  Just like Shawn's computer mouse ball, the BluRay remote and my house and car keys.  We know Avery is the one who has run off with these items, hoarding them like the cats hoard shiny objects and rubber bands.  We've tried everything to get him to own up to where he's stashed them, but he's not telling.  Welcome to my world in left field!

It's been another crazy, hair-pulling, nutty day in our crazy house.  Avery sang, "I wear no pants" (thank you, dear Dockers) throughout the grocery store while Noah walked alongside the cart picking his nose and I said "Hi" to everyone we saw (and just because of the behaviors of my children, we happened to run into everyone we know today).  When we went to take care of my friend's pets while she's away, Avery scooped the two kittens up by their necks into the crooks of his arms, toting them around the house, proudly announcing, "I have two titties, Mommy!"  I burnt the white chocolate I was baking with and ruined it.  Noah used an entire brand new can of bathroom cleaner when I asked him to spray the tub down, then dumped an entire 2 pound box of baking soda into the litter box when I asked him to sprinkle the litter with it.  Avery chased Noah, Jake, the kitties and the dog with his toy hammer, hitting them on their heads with it.  Because I'm at a loss as to what to do with this particular child when he acts like this, I grabbed it, firmly told him that we don't hit other people.  So what did I do then????  Like an idiot, I bonked him on the head with it gently so he'd know how it feels.  Nothing like contradicting yourself as a parent.  I did the same thing when he started biting and that backfired on me.  Now Avery bites himself and offers up his hand, "You bite too, Mommy?"  I'm also at a loss with what to do with Noah most days.  He ran around today acting like a nutball.  I'm thinking of investing in a tranquilizer gun.  A good friend told me today that when I finally slip into senility (you mean I'm not already?), chances are good no one will notice because I'm already so far gone.  Yes, this is life in left field.

And now I've reached the end of my day. I've hugged, loved and prayed my children good night, made 120 Oreo Truffles (60 milk chocolate and 60 white chocolate) and baked three pies from scratch (2 apple and 1 cherry).  I've delivered some truffles and a few pieces of pie to some friends.  Now I'm writing my blog post and settling down with my husband, surrounded by a couple of purring kitties.  Welcome to what keeps me sane out here in left field.

We live in our little world here in left field.  But it's okay, they know us here!