Pity Party Pep Talk

Let's face it, you'll never see me driving around with a "Too Blessed to be Stressed" bumper sticker on my Jeep.  As tremendously blessed as I am, I will always find something to be stressed about.  This is just who I am and how I'm wired.  

Do you ever have one of those days where the "what qualifies for normal in your life" things you deal with day in and day out hit you like a ton of bricks and stop you in your tracks?  I had that day Tuesday.  The sad thing is, Tuesday was really a great day for our family. Just the enormity of everything we've had thrown at us in the past 8 months hit me really hard for some reason.  I was sitting with Noah doing his work and just suddenly felt overwhelmed by all the reasons we're homeschooling our son:  Bullying, three different schools in five years, a house we can't sell to get to a better school and neighborhood, the issues we've had with our neighbors, Noah's four diagnoses--some days it just feels like the list goes on.  My shoulders sank with the weight of it and I wanted to cry.  I was having a pity party.  

I emailed one of my good friends and laid it all out for her.  I know how blessed we are.  I know Noah is the same kid he was in December before these diagnoses.  The distinction now is that we have names for his differences, so we are learning how to help him better.  I know I am loved by my husband and we have two wonderful boys, who we are tremendously lucky to have. Best of all, we are growing closer to God as a family and developing that necessary relationship.  I just felt a little bit stuck in my rut.

In turn, my friend laid it all for me in her return email pep talk.  For whatever reason, God has had us stay in this particular neighborhood.  The bad news people are slowly moving out and some good news people are moving in.  God has provided us with everything necessary to homeschool Noah and provide a good life for our children.  Our kids are happy, healthy and well loved. Yes, a lot has happened, but we're persevering and moving forward.   We may not be where we want to be, but we're where God wants us to be.  I need to stop dwelling on what has happened and start being grateful for what is happening.

Wednesday morning, I started worrying again:  Am I too protective of Noah?  Am I going about this all wrong?  I've not only allowed him to run from most of the problems we've come across, but I've helped him run.  I tell myself it's because the world is unable to conform to him and right now, I can't expect him to be able to conform to the world.  But am I lying to myself?  I won't allow Noah to use any of this as an excuse to not be successful in life; instead, I want him to be successful in spite of and because of everything he's been through and is going through.  Thank goodness I have friends who keep me straight.  Yes, we've run away from problems in the past, but now we've turned around to face them head-on.  We've restructured our lives in ways to help Noah become a confident, successful child.  My friend assured me that Noah is not a brat in desperate need of structure and discipline.

So today, I'm taking stock.  I'm incredibly proud of Noah and how well he is adjusting to the many changes that have happened.  For a child who doesn't handle change well, most days he's handling it better than I am.  Tuesday he had a lot of schoolwork to accomplish due to catch-up from Monday, but we only had one real behavioral problem.  He stuck to it and did a fantastic job.  Wednesday, he was finished with his work by 11:30, even after going on to do two assignments that were on the schedule for tomorrow.  He took the initiative to do that part himself.  Schoolwork for the rest of the week has gone just as well. Noah seems happier and even though it's only the first week of school, this program really seems to be working well for him.  We're already seeing a positive difference:  Noah gets automatic results, has a schedule on his board to look at that shows visible/tangible progress and he feels successful (because he is).  Tuesday, even after his school work was complete, after his down time, he was still on the ball.  He wanted to be helpful with Avery, got through his chores and aimed to do more so he could earn a tv show.  Noah accomplished more yesterday with less fussing than I think I've ever seen.  Why?  Because we're teaching him how capable he really is.  Because we're giving him the type of structure he needs.  Because we love him.  Because I'm doing my best to go about this the right way.

Thank goodness I have friends who give me a good swift kick in the tush when I need it.  They ground me and keep me on track.

So, today I'm signing off--


--but we'll see what happens tomorrow!